Understand Values and Make Your Life Easier

Once you learn about how values impact relationships, suddenly so many things make sense. Most people know the definition of words like values, morals and principles but once you understand how they are active in real life, things get so much simpler. Value clash examples:
* Your 15 year old wants to go out drinking every weekend; you want her to stay home and study the bible.
* A friend moans constantly about your other friends; you’d rather not say things behind people’s backs.
* Your brother does dodgy business deals; you prefer the right side of the law.

Instead of head scratching about why these people are so this or so that just know: it’s a values clash. Differing values are what make people live their lives so differently. Some people allow a years worth of letterbox circulars to build up to a huge messy, wet pile under the letterbox instead picking them up and recycling them. While others tidy their garden every single day. Some people leave so much rubbish lying around that mice are attracted and die next to it. Some people smoke dope around babies. Yep, it’s all just differing values!

It doesn’t mean your relationships are doomed – it may even improve them as you can now understand the differences better and focus on building the great parts of the relationships. Thought some value clashes can be too big and eventually the relationship is too hard to maintain and too stressful. Understanding values can help you gain closure and understand past relationships better – why they ended, why friendships fizzled out, why you no longer want to see ol’ Aunt Sue.

In the present, you may find that nine out of ten arguments are a values clash. There are so many jokes around about “having to see the mad relatives at Christmas” and the reason is differing values. You can all live such different lives that it is sometimes challenging to enjoy and understand each other. In comparison couples that make it to their 75th wedding anniversary probably have matching values and therefore have fab, easy relationships.

Identify what your personal values are
1. Choose 10 values (see below) you identify the most with.
2. Put them in order of importance to you from one to ten.

Abundance Achievement Adventure Ambition Assertiveness Awareness Balance Beauty Boldness Camaraderie Challenge Charity Cheerfulness Clarity Comfort Commitment Compassion Confidence Connection Control Cooperation Courage Creativity Desire Determination Discipline Diversity Education Effectiveness Efficiency Endurance Energy Enthusiasm Excellence Excitement Experience Faith Family Fitness Flexibility Freedom Friendliness Fun Generosity Gratitude Growth Happiness Harmony Health Honesty Humor Independence Inspiration Integrity Intelligence Intimacy Intuition Joy Justice Kindness Knowledge Leadership Learning Logic Love Loyalty Maturity Modesty Motivation Open-mindedness Order Outrageousness Passion Peace Perfection Persistence Popularity Power Privacy Professionalism Recreation Reflection Relaxation Reliability Resilience Resourcefulness Respect Satisfaction Self-control Selflessness Self-reliance Sensitivity Sensuality Service Significance Silliness Simplicity Sincerity Solidarity Spirituality Spontaneity Stability Strength Structure Success Support Teamwork Thrift Tidiness Trust Truth Understanding Uniqueness Unity Variety Wealth Winning Wisdom

Get your other half to do this exercise too, and see where you match and where you don’t. It will help you understand each other better. When you find yourself clashing with someone, think about what you are valuing and what they are valuing. It can make the situation so much clearer to you.

What is your take on values? Where do you see value problems and value successes in life? How have you dealt with value clashes? What questions do you have about values?