Warming Up a Groom's Cold Feet

We all heard about the infamous bride who took off in a bus (yes, a BUS!) four days before her lavish wedding day. She told the police that she had been allegedly kidnapped, but later turned up to admit that the story was a fabrication. She simply had a bad case of cold feet. But, it’s not just the brides-to-be who can have cold feet. Would-be grooms are very susceptible, too. What exactly is cold feet? Cold feet is a hesitation or doubt strong enough to put off a planned course of action. Almost every would-be groom experience wedding jitters, often near the wedding day.

The shocking realization that what you are about to do is a life-long, life-changing commitment to another person is enough to trigger such a reaction. People often joke about the would-be bride and groom having cold feet. What a lot of us don’t realize is this: having cold feet is a perfectly natural reaction, but it is never a trivial matter that should be laughed about. The person going through such phase is consumed with doubt and uncertainties that could drive him to cancel the wedding and yes, take off on a bus. Are you having cold feet? If you are, then you are as human as anybody can be.

If you think you have even the slightest sign of cold feet, here are a few things to keep in mind: Although separation and divorce are often used as an easy way out, marriage is still a pact that deserves to be honoured. It is a serious matter, not just a game that young people play. This is the reason behind marriage vows: to swear before God (if you believe in him), to family, friends and most of all, to the woman you love that you will treasure the institution of matrimony. If you have second thoughts about your ability to uphold the commitment, take a deep breath and talk things out with your would-be bride.

She may be as nervous as you, only you failed to notice because you were too busy dealing with your own apprehensions. Don’t wait until four days before the wedding to let her know of your uncertainties. Let her be the first to know if you plan to take off on a bus very soon. Before you vow to love and protect a person, you have to understand the fine print first. The woman to whom you have been committed for years (or months) will be with you for life (hopefully!). If your cold feet is all about compatibility, remind yourself that nobody’s perfect.

Think of all the positive reasons why you want to marry her, rather than enumerating her imperfections. Physical appearance may be important to some, but will sex be enough keep you through tough times? Every relationship goes through tremors from time to time. Pre-wedding jitters can be ironed out with a chock full of pre-marital or marital counseling. Going through such is an indication that you are brave enough to face your own fears and you are truly committed to make the relationship work. Having an outside source to evaluate the situation can be helpful; it makes you understand that you were only magnifying your problems and that it’s actually something that you can deal with, not run away from.

Wedding anxiety is pretty typical—no matter how sure and compatible a couple are, there will always be doubts as the wedding day approaches. The only person who can go through marriage without a care in the world is a person who does not fully understand what he’s getting himself into. It’s the kind of person who takes off on a bus after the wedding.