Why Attaining Happiness is so Elusive, Part 1

As a Third Ager, I have always believed that we all can be happy after midlife with the right mind set and knowledge. However, after reading The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom by Jonathan Haidt, being happy and having a meaningful life for everyone is a little more complicated tha
I thought.

Dr. Fred Horowitz, my colleague at happiness-after-midlife.com, recommended I read the book; it was one of his best reads of 2008 even though it is relatively unknown (there were only two reviews on Amazon the last time I looked). It turned out to be a fascinating read for me as well, eye-opening theories and insight based on solid scientific studies. But there is also helpful practical advice for being happy which is the pay-off for me.

I was so impressed with the Haidt’s book that I would like to share with you in a series of five articles what I discovered. What is particularly fascinating is his melding of Ancient and Eastern wisdom and modern Western science. It had an impact on my life and may affect you in positive ways too.

I will touch on such ideas as the divided self, affective style, cognitive therapy, the happiness set point, the adversity hypothesis, spirituality, the importance of love and social relationships and the meaning of life – just to name a few. Haidt does not suggest a quick fix solution to finding happiness (what Dr. Fred calls the “Chinese Food Syndrome”: you feel full for an hour, then you are hungry again). You have to work at it.

Our Mind is often in Conflict with Itsel

At the beginning of the book, Haidt, a respected positive psychologist, describes two key notions: the divided self and changing your mind. The first concept provides a backdrop for understanding his arguments throughout the book. Hadit uses the metaphor of a rider on an elephant. In his view the mind is divided into parts that conflict. On the one hand, there is the elephant which is the gut brain or emotions and passions (the id in Freud's sense). On the other hand, there is the rider or the head brain, the rational side (the ego).

In fact, he describes at length ancient thinking and the latest scientific research pointing to four distinctions: mind vs. body, left brain vs. right brain, reason vs. emotion, and controlled vs. automatic thinking. What does all this mean? Conscious thought or rational behaviour has far less influence on our lives and ways of acting than we think. These distinctions partly explain our weakness of will and our experience of being divided against our self. This is point one in making the pursuit of happiness so elusive.

"The whole universe is change and life itself is what you deem it.” Marcus Aurelius

The sage of self-help thinking, Dale Carnegie writing in 1944 said that the last eight words of the above quotation “can transform your life.” Haidt is more cautious about such an assertion. He does say that self improvement self development is possible. How? He suggests three specific, albeit challenging and controversial, ways of changing your mind, but more about that later. First let us explore briefly three more fascinating theories about how the mind works in unconscious ways and affects the way we think and act: nn- Like-O-Meter
This is an unconscious, subtle like-dislike reaction to everything we are experiencing even if we are not aware of the experience. The psychological studies on "affective priming" Haidt describes are worth reading. Other studies he cites show that three of the major decisions in life - what we do with our lives, where we live, and whom we marry - can all be affected (even only slightly) by something as seemingly insignificant as the sound of a name.nn- Negativity Bias
The elephant or the unconscious sees bad as stronger than good. For example, Haidt refers to the finding that in marital interactions, it takes at least five good or constructive actions to make up for the damage done by one critical act. Another example is fear of snakes. If the elephant fears them it doesn't matter what you "think." You will still be afraid.nn- Affective Style
Affective style equals a person's average or typical level of happiness – the so-called happiness set point. It is influenced by nature much more than we think. Surprisingly, research shows that happiness is one of the most highly heritable aspects of personality. According to several identical twin studies, 50 percent to 80 percent of all variance among people in their average levels of happiness can be explained by differences in their genes rather than in their life experiences. Now I know why I have never had a depression and recover quickly from negative experiences. According to Haidt I seemed to have won the “cortical lottery.”

What you can do

How can you influence or change your affective style if you were not as lucky as me in the cortical lottery? Haidt suggests three courses of action: nn- Do Meditatio

Meditation plays a large role in Buddhist thinking and according to Haidt it tames and calms the elephant. Done everyday for several months, meditation can help you reduce the frequency of fearful, negative, and debilitating thoughts. Dr. Fred has practised meditation for over 20 years and more recently “mindfulness.” Both practices have had a significant impact on his life. Dr. Fred would probably agree with Haidt’s assertion that meditation can improve your affective style. nn- Learn to do Cognitive Therapy

People with a tendency to depression often tell themselves that “I'm no good," "My world is bleak," "My future is hopeless." A depressed person's mind is filled with these automatic thoughts – the inner voice that keeps replaying negative tapes. The psychiatrist Beck described the a feedback loop: distorted thinking causing negative feelings. He and others such as Dr. David M. Burns in Feeling Good suggest you can break the cycle by breaking the thoughts. If you can catch your thoughts, write them down, name the distortions, and then find alternative and more accurate ways of thinking, you the rider can learn to train the elephant. However, according to Haidt it may not be effective for everyone. nn- Take Prozac

Haidt admits that this antidepressant drug and other Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors are controversial as a quick fix (grim reminder of the happiness pill “soma” in Brave New World). Scientists still don't know how it works but it does. It can relieve symptoms and sometimes can even change personality. Haidt argues that it is not over-prescribed; he uses effectively the analogy of giving someone contact lenses to see well. For Haidt it is a reasonable shortcut to proper functioning. Other experts such as Dr. Ben Lemer writing on mercola.com and Mark Kingwell, author of Better Living: In pursuit of happiness from Plato to Prozac, would strongly disagree. It is up for you to weigh the evidence, experiment and decide whether it is right for you.

In Part 2 of the series, I’ll explore the importance of reciprocity in connecting with others and the dangers of hypocrisy and self-righteousness in preventing us from being happy.