Why Men Fear Commitments

If you want to look for a committed man look in a mental hospitalnn -Mae West

Men love their freedom. To a man, his own decision means everything – and I do mean everything! As a part of natural evolution, men specialize in problem solving and decision making much like women who became better communicators. Any guy would know how embarrassing it feels when an unsolicited advice finds its way to his ears. Why don’t you stop and ask for directions?? What is with you and advices? Why must you always be right?......sounds familiar? All these well heard ‘comments’ from the opposite sex are strong indicators of frustration at her partners need to always be on top, his need to be independent.

Science would say that Man originally evolved as a hunter and his chief role was to hit moving targets so that he could catch his game or kill an enemy trying to take his food away from him or one who might pose a threat to his home. Thus aggression, domination and imposition of will becomes (one of) his chief quality and freedom to do whatever he wishes becomes hard-coded into his psyche. Any move to take this profound sense of freedom away from him is met with equally profound resistance. Thus the question of man and commitment is essentially one of biological programming Vs social necessity. Commitment is well expected of both men and women and any venture against it is penalized both by society and law. But commitment means compromise and giving up a few (or at times, many) privileges. Given the many legends that surround the pains of married (read committed) life; it is no wonder that a man will continue to exercise choice for as long as he can! Women on the other hand find security and comfort in a home and thus demand commitment.

The theory of survival favors those who adapt to a changing environment. Man has survived this long by virtue of his survival and can do the same for the foreseeable future… if he adapts! Commitment as is a social imperative must be exercised. However this will require a fair deal of educating and training. Both men and women must know what they are tackling without beating around the bush.n n And so we finally ask: why do men fear commitment? Commitment first and foremost requires parting with freedom, listening to the partner, compromising on decisions. While men who do this are for a woman just perfect. If a man is committed he has parted with the one aspect of his being that he was built around, to take charge and manage. However the day we chose to control our own evolution certain compromises became inevitable despite our not being ready for it. It may take a while to adapt to this new environment that we have thrust onto ourselves but this is exactly how we have survived, and will continue to survive on. n