A New Paradigm for Relationships

Lately I have been pondering how quickly everything is shifting and changing. I don’t know about you, but in my world things are moving rather quickly. The world is changing rapidly and whether we like it or not we can choose to go with these changes or become like the dinosaurs, extinct. Because of this rapid change what is being called for are new ideas, new models and new paradigms if we are to survive.
As a teacher of Tantra and an explorer of alte
ative ways of being in relationship, I have had a great deal of exposure to many different paths over the years. Where I have seen some very original ways in which people group together or partner up, such as group marriages and threesomes, for the most part what has been practiced are either sexually monogamous and rather traditional forms or polyamorous models of partnering. Both have a few variations and not all are strictly traditional.
In this new world that seems to be unfolding before our very eyes, we are the ones that are forging ahead with new ways of being in relatedness and in relationship. The more traditional models seem to be out of date and not really fulfilling us on a deeper level. Have you noticed that divorce is still at an all time high and the ratio of parents divorced before their kids are out of high school is over 50%?
"The truth is that marriage---as a relationship has been appropriated by society, and as it serves society, it often suffocates the individual vivid soul." ( Daphne Rose Kingma, The Future of Love.)
So what does all of this tell us? It certainly doesn’t say that what may have worked in the past is still working or that family values are what are needed at this time in our evolution. It does however point to a need for new models and new ways in which we can have deeply fulfilling relationships that enrich lives and allow us to be autonomous at the same time. As our old institutions break down and fall apart, new ones take their place. New paradigms are emerging of how to live in a world where cooperation and partnership are the focus and new models of sacred relationship and conscious partnering come into play.
"New possibilities of harmony and illumination are all around us, as we stand at the threshold of full awareness of who we really are: human spiritual beings." (Daphne Rose Kingma,The Future of Love)
What seems to be shifting the most are the forms that we have become accustomed and attached to. What we find is needed now is to let go of these old forms, to be willing to let something new emerge even if we don't know what it is. As we let go o four old and outdated modes of partnering, we have the opportunity righ in that moment to begin to create something new and more fulfilling for us individually.
Do any of the following ideas on old and new paradigms sound like your relationship?

• Old paradigm relationships often have rules that someone else made up that you try to adhere to but often find difficult .

• New paradigm relationships allow us to negotiate and make our own rules as we go along.

• Old paradigm is about fulfilling your partner’s needs .

• New paradigm the emphasis is on self growth and giving your love freely without any expectation.

• New paradigm you and your partner take full responsibility for your own needs being met

• Old paradigm you make vows of undying love and commit to be with each other in that form forever.

• New paradigm you and your partner commit to the well being of the relationship and to serving the highest truth whatever that may be in any moment, and to always letting the relationship evolve and grow and change as is needed.

• Old paradigm you have expectations that you put onto your partner and blame or judge them when they fall short.

• New paradigm you use your relationship as a mirror of your self, reflecting your shadow and owning it.

I hope some of these ideas offer you food for thought. It takes courage to be the change we say we want, but I find it is truly the only way change can really happen. Please stay tuned in as I continue to explore this exciting subject of new paradigm relationships.