About Boys, and the Mothers Who Love Them

As a single mother raising two boys, there is still much about parenting that is a mystery to me. My father calls my children, “The Destroyers.”rnObserved from a certain perspective, he would be correct. rnBut maybe not. Raising sons – or at least, raising my sons – has given me a new perspective on a number of things. rnPencil erasers can be used to erase unwanted pencil markings, or they can be used as chew toys. rnOnce the eraser has been suitably destroyed, the remaining pencil can be used to write with, or it can be combined with a pencil sharpener and used as a meditation tool. Simply insert pencil and start grinding. Continue until there is nothing left of the pencil. rnHow calming. rnNerf footballs can be thrown across the back yard, or they can be picked apart, one little nub of foam at a time. This is a particularly fun thing to do while watching television. rnOne mindless activity leads to another. rnPillows can facilitate a restful night’s sleep, or they can be used in battle. You will be familiar with this one: Simply whack annoying younger brother with pillow until he screams for help. rnOr until the pillow bursts open at the seams, scattering billions of micron-sized beads of indeterminate substance all over the bedroom. rnRaising boys has taught me that pretty much any household item can be re-purposed as a weapon. Towels can be snapped at bare bottoms, after the shower. Rolled up socks can be whipped over the stair railings at unsuspecting heads down below. Food can be launched from any angle or distance. rnThe towels and socks usually survive the scuffle. The food, rarely. rnDespite more than eight years of combat training – I mean, parenting – I am still disturbed to find mashed bananas dripping down the wall in the dining room. rnTaking them out in public is a developmental exercise unto itself. How long can I hold my breath? How hard can I pray? rnAm I shirking my responsibilities, when I pretend they are someone else’s kids and I am just the babysitter? rnWhen they are literally rolling around on the floor of the supermarket, wrestling over who gets to pick out a box of cereal, is it okay if I walk the other way? rnI would say they are being raised by wolves, but what does that make me? rnThe mother wolf, I guess. rnDetermined to protect her cubs – from themselves, each other and anything else that threatens – for as long as they need her. rnSome days, I patiently buy a hundred pencils with fresh, new erasers. rnOther days, I shriek. “We paid money for those paper clips. When you destroy them, you are throwing our money in the toilet.” rnAnd slowly, so slowly, I hope I am teaching them a sense of personal responsibility. “Your sneakers (purchased just over a month ago) are destroyed, because you refuse to untie the laces and instead shove your feet into them day after day, breaking down the spine to the point where it can’t support your heel anymore? Let me know when you have earned enough money to buy some new ones and I will take you shopping.” “Your sweatshirt (purchased just under a month ago) is destroyed because you poked a hole in the sleeve and then picked at it until it was big enough to push your fist through and finally the seam ripped open all the way down to your wrist? Ditto.” rnI breathe deeply. I meditate. rnA lot. rnI resist the urge to drink heavily and instead call every woman I know who is raising sons. rnWe laugh and commiserate. We appreciate the entertainment value of it all. We agree that they may, indeed, be from another planet, but somebody needs to parent them. rnAnd despite (because of?) it all, we love them, immeasurably. rnBoys rock. Related Posts: rnTo read more about what it’s like to be a single mother raising boys, please see Totally Single Parenting. rnYou might also enjoy, A Letter of Apology to My Parents, Whom I Love and Adore, and All Things Stinky and Gross: More on the Joys of Reading with Boys. Recommended Reading: Much has been written about raising boys in today’s world. If you are the parent of sons, you might want to check out, Real Boys : Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood, by William Pollack; The Wonder of Boys: What Parents, Mentors, and Educators Can Do to Shape Boys into Exceptional Men, by Michael Gurian; and Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different - and How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men, by Steve Biddulph. rnTo simply revel in all that is boyish, check out The Dangerous Book for Boys, by Conn Iggulden and Hal Iggulden.