Abusive Spouse: Are There Two Kinds of Batterers?

They say victims of domestic abuse come in all shapes and sizes, yet have some very distinct commonalities characteristic of being in an abusive relationship.nnAbusive spouses, on the other hand, come in two very distinct breeds. What are they?nnTwo Kinds of Batterers:nnThere are those that bully in a crude and sloppy way, and those that bully in a slick and contrived way. nnThe more crude bully displays intermittent explosive behavior from his/her narcissistic vantage point. Whereas, the slick bully displays a more sociopathic, yet narcissistic pattern of behavior with respect to his/her victim.nnEach is potentially dangerous in their own way. And each recognizable by the way in which they control their victims. In a study in the 80’s, the late psychologist Guttman pointed out that the more crude bully showed an increase in heart rate as he strikes. And the slick bully evidenced a lowering of arousal at the point of attack. nnThis distinction is central to Guttman’s classifying the former batterer as a pit bull and the latter as a cobra. Each approaches their victim in their own unique style. The pit bull crude and the cobra slick.nnThe Importance of Understanding Domestic Abuse DynamicsnnIt is often confusing from the outside looking in to even image that these two very distinct batterers are indeed both abusers. Their differences add to one’s confusion in understanding “battering.” And further in identifying dangerously abusive relationships.nnIf you are in an abusive relationship and find yourself scratching your head wondering if this is indeed a bully across the table, seek to understand the dynamics of abusive relationships in general. As you do, you will recognize abusers come in two distinct types, yet have characteristics in common that define intimate partner abusers.