Adoptees: Will Everyone Abandon Me?

Fear of abandonment is a a very common issue for adoptees, as is anger over having been abandoned by their birthmother. After all, if their own biological mother didn’t care enough to stick around and be a part of their life, why should anyone else? Sadly, many adoptees blame themselves on some deep level that even they don’t really understand. They think that there is something wrong with them, and that’s why the woman who gave birth to them didn’t keep and raise them. Although I’ve never heard of a single case in which this was true in nearly 20 years of working with adoptees and birth families, the feeling is widespread among adoptees. Adoptees with a fear of abandonment often find it hard to build or sustain relationships with others. For some, they find it easier to hold other people back emotionally in order to avoid involvement, than to open up and let themselves be vulnerable. abandoned When the very first important person in your life, the woman who carried and gave birth to you, runs off and leaves you, it becomes difficult to trust other people, and to believe that they won’t run off too. Why open yourself up to a potential world of hurt when you can just hide behind that emotional wall you’ve built and keep everyone out? Your history has proven to you that you can’t depend on others to be there for you. It’s not safe to let down that wall. As surely as you do, you’ll be hurt. Having these kinds of trust and abandonment issues can get in the way of you living your life happily. EFT can help, though. Click on the “What The Heck is EFT?” link and find out more about what EFT is, how it works, and what the tapping points are. Then give the script below a try! Tapping Script For Fear of Abandonment Setup: Karate chop:

• Even though I feel like I can’t trust anyone in my life to stick around and be there for me, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
• Even though my birthmother abandoned me and now I’m afraid that everyone else will abandon me too, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
• Even though I’d rather keep people at a distance from me than to let them into my life and take a chance that they might hurt me, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself, and I’m considering that it might be time to work on those feelings.

Eyebrow: It’s hard for me to let people into my lifer Outside eye: I’m so scared that they’ll abandon mer Under eye: It’s easier to just keep my walls up to protect myselfr Under nose: Then to let down the walls and maybe get hurtr Chin: My own birthmother abandoned mer Collar bone: And I never understood why she’d do thatr Under arm: I just know that I don’t want to get hurt againr Top of head: So I keep my walls up to keep people away. Eyebrow: I don’t feel safe when I let myself be vulnerabler Outside eye: Because I don’t feel like I can really depend on anyone elser Under eye: But maybe it’s time to start letting go of that fear Under nose: And to letting down those walls of miner Chin: Starting to release my fear of abandonmentr Collar bone: A little at a time, in a way that feels safe for mer Under arm: Starting to tear down those wallsr Top of head: One brick at a time. Eyebrow: I have people around me who do care about mer Outside eye: And I can open up my life and my heart to themr Under eye: Releasing my fears about trusting other people Under nose: Continuing to pull down those protective wallsr Chin: Letting go of more and more of that fear of abandonmentr Collar bone: Finding the courage to open myself upr Under arm: And starting to feel more connected with the people in my lifer Top of head: As I let go of the last of my fear of abandonment.