Adult daughter of an Alcoholic Mother

My Mom is an alcoholic. Words that were so hard for me to say out loud. It was forbidden to say it at home and the words seemed stuck. For years we pretended everything was great with our little perfect family. Dad made good money, they traveled, socialized every weekend, had nice cars and a nice house.... Perfect... Except that Mom passed out every night on the couch. "She's just tired" " No one has an alcohol problem in this house; that's ridiculous" So the lies you tell yourself and everyone else starts. You start looking at other families and see they don't act like this. Especially the Mother! Anxiety sets in because you never know if he'll be sober tonight. Will she fall asleep with a cigarette and burn the house down? At 12 years old, I am anxious and I worry... I don't have many friends because I have this secret to keep. We are the perfect family remember? No one can find out that Mom is bombed every night. So, I carry my troubles alone and wish to hell she would get my hints of glares and bad moods. But she doesn't. I am angry. I go to college anxious and with no self -esteem. I can't stand to be around drunk people. What the hell am I doing in college? There are 2000 drunk people that I am surrounded by. I make very few friends. Having fun is so hard for me. I graduate college and feel so lost... I have no idea where to go or what to do with my life. I get into a terrible relationship and stay there for 4 years. Did I mention I had low self-esteem? But then one day, something changed for me. I changed. I decided I wasn't going to live my life like this. Alcohol ruined Mom's life but I wouldn't allow it to ruin mine too. I started taking care of me first and treating myself like I deserved. I met a wonderful man, found trust in people again (especially girl friends) I have a job I love teaching adult women of alcoholic mothers that they can be happy despite the anxiety, sadness, fear and anger of the past. I took back control of my life. I am happy. Mom is still an alcoholic.... Karen http://www.coachforhappiness.com/classes.htm