Almost Old and Clueless

Being 25 years old and not having a clear focus in life is a serious problem. But having led a focus-free life until now, I can vouch for the fact that not having plans is a bliss.

One of the toughest decisions that any person in his mid-20s faces is that of financial stability. It is important afterall for us to retain our independence and relish the feeling of self empowerment. We earn doing what we like and mostly we earn by doing something we loathe.

However, even if you are into something challenging, something that pushes your boundaries, there comes a standstill. The challenge is not intriguing enough. There is staleness, an emptiness, a boredom which is confusing. Confusing because you like what you do, then how can you not like it at the same time.

People who have passions and continue their struggle to dream and have the courage to face their dream may not feel this emptiness. I have not been lucky to experience the feeling of total surrender to my dreams. My focus shifts and on a more positive note, it lets me dream many dreams.

So what about the more common people like me who do hit the wall. There is no moving backwards, the only way is forward. However, you are chained to so many other factors that you will be surprised how others control your life. The control is subtle. If you have passion and dare to face these obstacles you will succeed. But there will only be a handful to tread the path less travelled. Most of us will resign to our corporate jobs, our daily routines, our paying the bills, our having fun weekends.

I gave my life serious thought. Everyone advised me to. The safest approach in life is to have a plan, or more like having a backup to the plan itself. For every decision in life, we do “what if” analysis. What if I quit my job? What if I don’t get a new job? What if I eat an extra piece of cake? What if I miss my flight? What if I don’t meet the man of my dreams?

These thoughts entered my mind also. Even after thinking a million times over, I was unable to unearth a solution. I had no answers to my own questions. I could not look for answers elsewhere because I was never able to express my confusion profoundly. I thought I love my job, but I want to move on. If I do decide to move on, what am I going to do next.

When I do know what is next, how will I substantiate it. If I fail, I cannot account for the time I have lost.
When I did reveal my innermost thoughts to the frowning outside world, I was told this is the right approach. I need to have a plan. I tried to have a plan but always failed. The more time I used to get a solution, the more unbearable it became for me to continue with something which infact I liked. I apparently cannot have a few months unaccounted for between two jobs, on my own resume. If I do not have answer to the most often asked “So what next?” I am either lying or have lost the interest in working, or worst still I am getting married and plan to look after my family.

In all this pressure, the advice, the societal norms and my own confusion, one fine day, suddenly an epiphany struck me. Why cannot I quit without a plan, without a backup, without any answers? How can I let everyone else narrate my life with the subtle rules? Why am I so desperate to find a solution and cannot take time off from my own life to live the many dreams I may have?

I did quit my job finally and took some time off. I have no clue what is next and I do not know if the decision is right or wrong. Nonetheless I am loving it!