Relationships generally begin when both people are in the “alone stage.” Although I am aware that affairs often begin when one or both partners are involved with someone else, it is my contention that relationships have a greater chance of success when both parties have spent some time alone and unconnected with a lover prior to their involvement with each other.nnWhat do you do with this time alone? If you are interested in creating the relationship you deserve, then you must become the best person you can be. Each successive relationship we engage in provides us with lessons and information we need to reflect on. If you are attracting the “wrong” people into your life, then perhaps it is because you are not the person you need to be in order to create a relationship with the person of your dreams. nnThis also means that each “wrong” person you attract into your life is exactly the right person to teach you the lesson you need to move closer to the person you truly want. This is why I never look back on any relationships with regret. Maybe not in the moment, but over time, I have come to understand that I learned valuable lessons in each of my past relationships, and I grew, which then helped me to become a better person. nnWhenever you find yourself in between relationships, it is not a time to longingly wish for the next partner to arrive. It is not the time to go out “prowling” for the next person to make you complete. The time between relationships is a very important healing time. It is a time to look back on the past relationship to discover what that person was there to teach you about life, love, and yourself. It is a time of introspection to determine who you want to be in a relationship. I am not talking about playing roles. I am talking about a genuine transformation of yourself into a person who deserves the relationship you seek.nnNo one dreams his entire life about meeting a mediocre partner—someone who thinks of him sometimes, who loves him a little, and who takes care of some of his needs. No one looks to get involved in relationships with people who lie, cheat, and disrespect her. No one asks for verbal or physical abuse in a relationship. So how can we break the pattern of choosing the same type of person over and over again? I believe the key is to look at each relationship as the perfect relationship you needed at that point in time and then go about attempting to figure out what it was about the person that made him or her perfect for you during that period in your life.nnOnce you figure this out, you will have learned a valuable lesson. If you take that lesson and put it to use in your life, then you have one half of the equation. nnThe other half is about preparing yourself to be the kind of person who will attract the relationship of your dreams. If you are seeking a person to be loyal and to stand by you no matter what, then ask yourself the difficult question of whether or not you have those same traits and characteristics. If there is something in your character that has caused you to be disloyal, then do some introspection to learn what you need to heal in order to become the person you truly want to be.nnRelationships only act as a mirror, showing you those things about yourself you do not want to see. When you welcome the information and seek to learn from it, doing so will move you closer in the direction of becoming who you want to be.nnIt also helps during this alone time to take an inventory of the traits, qualities, and characteristics you want in your “perfect mate.” It is far more likely that you will attract the person you want when you become crystal clear about exactly what you are looking for. My list included having someone to love me for who I am—not in spite of who I am. I wanted a partner with loyalty, integrity, honesty, good looks, intelligence, a sense of humor, romance, and availability (not involved with someone else). I wanted a man who was strong but gentle, decisive but sensitive, and confident without being conceited. I wanted someone with whom I shared common interests and someone who did not feel the need to control me or compete with me. Guess what? After I was clear about what I was looking for, the “perfect” person for me walked into my life. nAnother thing that is extremely helpful during the alone stage is to remember that you are perfect just the way you are. You are totally complete without a significant person to share your life. So often, in the alone stage, you focus on what you lack, rather than on your abundances. You look at the one thing you do not have—a romance—and waste the time you have been given feeling sorry for yourself instead of putting the gift of time to use for the betterment of mankind in your own unique way. nnIn conclusion, allow yourself alone time. Do not be in such a hurry to jump into the next relationship before processing the last one. Take time to analyze the lessons in your past relationships. Use alone time to search introspectively to assess whether you are the person you need to be to allow the person you seek to come into your life. And finally, focus not on your lack of a relationship, but rather on what you can do to help others during this time. nnUsed wisely, your alone time can truly make an incredible difference in the way you experience your next relationship. Do not short-change yourself. Maximize and leverage the time you have been given between relationships. It is truly a gift.nn** This article is one of 101 great articles that were published in 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. To get complete details on “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life”, visit
http://www.selfgrowth.com/greatways3.html nn