Altered Behavior Syndrome (ABS)

Have you ever altered your behavior in an attempt to make someone else feel better? If you have, you may be pleased to know that you’re entirely normal. We’ve been trained since the moment we were born to put others needs ahead of our own. Perhaps our parents (or care-givers) wanted us to be quiet when we wanted to be loud, or they wanted us to wear something we didn’t want to wear, or eat something we didn’t want to eat and they were sometimes relentless until we complied.

Our teachers often wanted us to learn the way they wanted to teach, society expected us to value what they thought we should value, friends subtly pressured us until we acquiesced to the vision of the pack, lovers withheld love until we gave them what they wanted and bosses withheld favor until we gave them what they required. Many religions even encourage us to deny our desires with the promise of future reward if we comply.

Is it any wonder that we often find ourselves volunteering for things we don’t want to do, gravitating to jobs that don’t fulfill us; instead of following our passions. Sometimes we settle for mates and lovers who are content to take far more than they give, and we are expected to put our kids needs so far above our own we wouldn’t know what we wanted for ourselves if someone asked.

We have been inundated with the message to follow along, care what the neighbors think, fear what political, religious or cultural leaders say. We are eager to please and easy to say yes when often, all you really want to say is no.

What would you do if no one had expectations of you? Who would you be? Who would you be with? How would you spend your days? Where would you spend your time and how would you spend your money?

Does it feel good to put yourself second or fifth or tenth to other people’s priorities? Do you feel empowered, valued, loved, balanced or excited about it? If you do then you’re right on track. Carry on. But if those actions leave you feeling lonely, used, tired, afraid, depressed, angry or powerless then maybe it’s time to try something new.

When you are experiencing negative emotions as a result of what you are doing you are always creating more of what you do NOT want. Always. No exceptions! If you want more for yourself you’ll want to begin practicing some awareness and discover what it is you do want.

The easiest and most effective way to learn this is by paying attention to how you FEEL when someone asks you to do something (or you’re feeling a sense of obligation to do something). Before you respond give yourself a moment and take your emotional temperature. If you said yes, what emotion would you experience? And if you said no; what then?

If doing it does not offer you a good feeling then why proceed? If there is a huge sense of obligation then at the very least it would be prudent to find a way of looking at the task in a positive light. Simply proceeding while you are in negative emotion will only prove to be an invitation for more unwanted expectations and obligations in your life.

Just becoming aware of how you might be altering your own personal preferences to make someone else feel better is a big step.

If you were teaching a child how to navigate this world, would you encourage them to do whatever anyone else wanted or would you encourage them to be true to themselves?

If you want to get better at being true to yourself, www.RubyShuze.com has some information that can help.