An Essay on Love

Love is an expression of acceptance and appreciation for another person. It is soul to soul. Sex is the acceptance and appreciation of another person as a body. One can therefore have love without sex and as much, one can have sex without love.

To say that I love someone does not necessarily require a show of affection through the body. I do not have to want the body because I love the soul. In the life of Ramon Sampedro depicted in the film, “The Sea Inside” we see it brought to the forefront in Rosa’s affection for him and his ability to share love with her and others even as a quadriplegic.

I cannot, therefore, love someone without first looking for and looking into the soul. I cannot state that I love someone while dismissing that person’s opinions, desires, or conce
s as these represent the person’s inner qualities, the qualities that define them. Of course, this can sometimes be different from how a person sees themselves or how they want to be seen, that is, their Self Image. Yet, no matter how a person chooses to portray themselves, no matter what values they hold dear, they still want to be respected or valued for their opinions, desires, or conce
s.

Love, therefore, is both directive and giving. I give from what I have. Therefore, I cannot love from a state of emptiness. A state of emptiness evokes need, an emotion often mistaken as love, even if the connection with another person temporarily fills that emptiness and fulfills that need. A relationship, therefore, that is built on drawing from another will evoke emotions of jealousy, control, insecurity, apprehension, hostility, and even will provide contentment, but definitely not love.

In addition, love is directive. A person gives to whom he can direct that energy. Thus I can only love that which I can respect. Yes, a feeling of satisfaction allows me to think that I can give to the world. That still is giving. And a person who can love with this energy can give without expecting return appreciation. He gives because he is full, and what’s more, knows how to be full again. This can be seen as unconditional love, a giving of respect, appreciation, affection without a reason. All real love, therefore, is unconditional. Conditional giving cannot be described as love. It may be respect, acceptance, concern, or appreciation of another because of a relationship, an act, or an expectation.

Therefore, the only way we can love is to first be emotionally balanced, mentally strong, and rationally capable of offering consideration. As a result, any attempt to build a capacity to love must be preceded by a building of these attributes. One cannot give from a pitcher unless the pitcher has first been filled. We can then stretch this realization to an admission that unconditional love is selfish. Before we give it, we must first give to ourselves. As suggested above, any other form of giving, even an exchange of respect or affection, is not real love as it introduces a condition.

This act of first building self mentally, emotionally and cognitively is that of having a strong, secure Self-Image, a definition of self that is impervious to the vicissitudes of change. This is understanding change.

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