Anger - A Solution to End the Addicting, Inefficient, Exhausting and Unsustainable Effects of Anger

Anger as a tool is inefficient, exhausting and unsustainable. Anger is the belly down, anguishing and wailing toddler in the grocery aisle. Let’s face it, angry people are not fun. We don’t want to work for them, be around them or have them in our lives. Most of us will go out of our way to avoid them. Background - I was an angry business owner in my twenties. I had a seething anger that would build before it exploded. Some people project their anger directly; I attacked my environment. I kicked boxes accompanied by a series of primal, curse laden, screams. My eyes burned a fiery red, the cords visible in my neck as every muscle tensed. Then, I felt better. Whatever happened, the trigger, elevated my stress (internally held energy) past the point of tolerance and then I reacted habitually. It worked. I felt more comfortable, familiarly spent and I lost many good employees. In my thirties, my anger would blossom from my core, affecting those around me. New employees quickly learned to gauge my mood. In my forties, I sold my business, completed a four-year healing arts program, became a yoga and meditation teacher and started a health, movement and productivity coaching company. I have taken control of my anger and changed my pattern of seethe and outburst to a habit of identify and redirect. It works the vast majority of the time. When it doesn’t work, I am able to dismantle my anger, regain my composure and direct that energy to something productive … fairly quickly. Overview- Anger is exhausting and it is something we become addicted to. We get addicted to the cycle of boil, explode, and then cool down. It requires three things: overwhelm, fear and a demand that something or someone be different. Diffusing anger is as simple as identifying and separating those three ingredients. Overwhelm + Fear + Demand = Anger So why do we get angry? Because it works! We get angry and we expend a ton of energy. Anger helps us to move from overwhelm to not-overwhelm. Most of us use anger to return to our comfort zone. We use anger as a bully to project our fears and a demand for change into the environment. Anger is tough to ignore and gets a reaction. It is an efficient way to alter the energy of the environment. However, there is a price. If our goal is to lead, model or motivate, anger makes it harder. After the initial reaction, momentum is quickly lost and any forward progress must overcome the alienation, resistance and resentment anger breeds. When we get angry, we create and maintain an emotional distance. It is the antithesis of intimacy, connection, gratitude, appreciation and affection. Solution - When we can track what we are feeling in our bodies, we can begin to identify the sensations of overwhelm that precede getting angry. Then, we can make a choice to funnel our energy toward something productive. Anger is a compensation for the inability to cope. It is an expression of immaturity and lack of internal resources. Most importantly, it is a choice and a habit that can be changed. I work with people intent on change, ready to grow and eager to find more beneficial responses to the stressors in their lives. Please feel free to email me with any questions. jeff@askjeffanything.comrn