Are you afraid of success … or is it something else?

Has someone suggested to you that you fear success? Or have you thought it about yourself? If so, what is it you are really afraid of?

I had to think about this some years ago, when I was starting out as a speaker. An enthusiastic and supportive friend of mine would say, frequently, “Maybe soon we’ll see you on Oprah’s show,” and I would shudder in horror and immediately cut back on any activities that might make me more visible.

I was being sabotaged by two fears, both involving the possibility that I would appear foolish and fail miserably. The first was that I simply had no knowledge of how to prepare for an interview, and the second was that I would be thrown questions that were skeptical or even hostile about my expertise, and I would be frozen, unable to answer.

I thought some people were just born superbly capable to handle these situations, while others (myself), were not. Some people are actually born to be “cool” in circumstances that would fluster the rest of us, but I failed to realize that being a good interviewee, and fielding difficult questions, are simply learnable skills. Just because some people are born to be superb athletes doesn’t mean that others can’t learn and enjoy swimming or playing tennis.

Being told you “fear success” doesn’t really help solve the problem, does it? I always felt that I was really being told that I lacked will power, or backbone: something essential but difficult to visualize, much less grasp.

I know now that somewhere out there are templates for every situation you might encounter but don’t know how to handle – yet. Here are a few resources:

• Need to express yourself better in public? Try reading “Communicate That!” by CBS radio host Roshini Rajkumar.

• Flustered by sudden questions or comments that you don’t know how to handle? Communications specialist Sharon Ellison has some great techniques for you in her book, “Non-Defensive Communication.”

• And if social situations you have never encountered give you sweaty palms, you can find exactly what to do when you consult Letitia Bald ridge, author and expert on contemporary manners, and former social secretary to Jacqueline Kennedy. In her “New Complete Guide to Executive Manners,” she covers everything from dressing, gift-giving and table manners to travel and differences in international culture.

You don’t ever have to feel alone and in a panic. Others have walked the same path and marked it out clearly for you to follow. They weren’t any more special than you are, but they realized they had to learn the ways in which to make their dreams come true.

So select your guide and set out on your trip to success!