Are You Should-Ing On Yourself?

"How in the world did that happen?", you ask yourself! "Why did I say yes?"

We've all been there. We get a request, and before we know it we've answered a few seconds too soon. Yup, the old reptilian brain was fast asleep (I thought it was supposed to kick in my self-survival mechanism?).

And then the "S" word rolls off your lips."Well, I already said yes. I guess I should just get it over with."

More women than men suffer from what I call the act of should-ing on yourself. I should do this... I should do that. Now take a minute and say out loud to yourself, "I should know better." Now say it again. Wow. Did you feel it? Did you feel the heavy, restricting energy?

For me, it took me right back to when I was a little girl. And most of the time we - strong, powerful, beautiful women - do it to ourselves. We should on ourselves! But why?

Nurturers by nature, women subconsciously take on the role of "making it all better." Research shows there is an unspoken expectation that exists and this affects how women are seen in the workplace and at home. This might partially explain why we take on more than our fair share of fixer, negotiator, and all around should-er.

Here are 3 quick tips for breaking the should-ing cycle:

1. Core Values: Check in with yourself and ask if you are living within your core values system. For instance, if one of your values is honoring your own time, before you commit to something you should do, visit your schedule first and consider if it is really o.k. to say yes. Or if one of your values is a commitment to rescuing dogs and the shelter calls with a last minute request, then saying yes would be within your core values.

2. Inner Guidance: I can't stress enough how you already know the answer to a should or should not. Sometimes we forget that we have this God-given built-in meter that is always accurate. To really get a good read, you need to sense what an affirmative or positive vibe feels like versus a clear no. So here's an exercise to help: think of the word yes. Say it out loud. What does yes feel like? Where do you feel yes in your body? In your stomach? Chest? Take your time. Yes has a light energy. It may just feel peaceful. Now think of the word no. Say no out loud. What does no feel like? Where do you feel no? Getting a read on no is usually easier than yes. No is heavy. It may take your breath away or feel like a knot in your stomach. So the next time you think you should do something, give it the yes or no test!

3. The fastest way I know around the should-ing effect is EFT. When I start to should on myself it is never pretty. It soon leads to feelings of guilt and regret. And it is easy to get stuck in this cycle in your head! A good round of tapping usually does the trick.