Are Your Fears and Fairytales Holding You Back?

The power of communication is what the listener does with the message, not what the message does to the listener. Messages, stories, speeches, movies and advertisements that move people deeply do not do so because they are powerful in themselves. They do so because they touch the audience's most desired wants, most cherished values or even the things they dislike most. They evoke responses that are already in the listener, they don't put them there.

The same can be said about your inner dialogue. What are you doing with the messages and stories you tell yourself? Begin to collect information on your own thoughts, observe your behaviour, responses, doubts and fears. Listen to the fairytales and beliefs you have created for your own life: "I can't sing"; "I'm too old"; "I'll never be rich"; "I don't deserve that"; "I'm not smart enough to do that."

What is your inner voice telling you and how often? How frequently do you allow those negative beliefs and tales show up? How much emotion is behind them? How do they compare to the frequency and strength of your positive affirmations?

The greatest obstacle to your success is probably you. Too often I find coaching clients hold themselves back due to their personal fears and fairytales.

One such handbrake to success is the fear of failure, probably the single greatest barrier to success in adult life. Taken to its extreme, people are totally pre-occupied with not making a mistake, with seeking approval for security. How do you know when you are coming from a position of fear? When you hear yourself saying the words "I can't".

Another major fear that can interfere with performance and inhibit expression, creativity and success, is the fear of rejection. Unfortunately it creates a need in us to do what pleases others because we constantly crave approval.

Be honest with yourself - how have you feeling about yourself lately? About your career or business? About your health, relationships and wellbeing? Who's approval are you seeking? Who's permission are you waiting for to make a change now? Are you taking chances to grow... or have you been playing it safe?

I ask because it's where I have been and I know exactly what it feels like to be trying to move ahead with one foot nailed to the floor. It can creep up on you - starting out small and gradually building, that need for certainty, for risk aversion, the fear of making any bold moves.

For many people, this way of being serves them well most of the time, and the very fact that they are surviving makes them want to do it more. But for those of you, like me, who have a burning passion inside you, a desire to do something grander, to fulfil your entrepreneurial drive, to become someone worth becoming, to leave a legacy...this mode will slowly kill your spirit, your career or business - and your soul.

Dreams that you once had get pushed aside. Bold ideas get filed away into the "someday when the time is right" folder. Your spark of creativity gets muffled as the busyness of life, of caring for others and going through the motions take over. Worse still, your generosity of spirit shrinks as you retreat and wait for things to get better.

So what can you do to stop the downward spiral?

Here's five actions to help you get your passion back on track...

1. Feel the fear and do it anyway - if you wait for all the fears to leave you'll be waiting forever. I know the more risks I take, the more confident I become.
2. Rediscover the passion you had.- get back to that feeling of having nothing but possibilities in front of you. Build the courage to step out in your highest good and to show up every day in a big way.
3. Move without all the answers - analysis paralysis is a killer (this was my biggest vice), you may always wonder how you are going to find the time, knowledge, money or support to do what you want to do, but without forward motion you will never find the answers.
4. Chunk it down - this simple but powerful concept is one that has worked from me since my early 20's. Take just one step, once a week, towards one of your goals and you will be amazed at what you can achieve in one year. Breaking your goals into week-sized chunks will make it feel much more doable and will help you create the momentum that leads to amazing long term progress and success.
5. Get an accountability buddy - tell someone you trust about the goal you're committed to (I tell my coach Therese). It may be scary to talk about it, but the spoken word in itself creates energy and accountability.

Don't settle for a second rate you - decide today that you deserve better.