Coping with Betrayal

By Linney Elder The subject of betrayal seems to pop up all around me with people in various relationships. I got to thinking about the nature of betrayal. What is it really? In fact, is it real at all? What is real? I think it's a choice of which doors to open and a choice of which doors to walk through and close behind you. It's a choice, a perception, a personal view of a situation. So where does the perception of betrayal come from? Maybe some deep-seated ideal, or set of values, that you grew up with. There are certain things that one just does not do in life and one of them is betray someone close to you. But I ask again…. What is betrayal? There have to be at least two people involved, so that suggests there are also two perceptions of the situation…the so called "betrayer" and the one allegedly being "betrayed". So let's have a look at this from both sides. Firstly, the one accused of betrayal. What might have prompted them to act as they did? It could be due to: • Lack of courage
• Dishonesty
• Disrespect
• Anger
• Hate
• Frustration
• Fear of conflict • Selfishness
• Fear of loss, or letting go
• Thoughtlessness Perhaps they realised their actions were wrong, but tried in a misguided way to avoid hurting you, thinking - what you don't know about can't hurt you. Or perhaps they felt their actions were justified, a "what's good for the goose, is good for the gander" scenario. Maybe it gave them a sense of satisfaction. Maybe…they just don't care. Now, what about the person "betrayed"…. What made them feel they had been betrayed? Perhaps they see themselves as victims, or martyrs, in an unjust world. Perhaps they set themselves up for being hurt by repeating the same patterns in life, unconsciously teaching people that it's ok to treat them disrespectfully? Perhaps they see themselves as "rescuers" – their mission in life being to save every "lost" soul they get involved with – even when that person clearly does not want to be rescued. Sometimes we are so desperate for love and acceptance that we put up with unacceptable behaviour from others, hoping that by acting in a Mother Theresa manner that they will repent and just love you. Sometimes we push and push till that person behaves as we expect them to, in a hurtful manner – a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you keep thinking, or telling, someone that you don't trust them, sooner or later, they will probably give you reason not to trust them. Every person who comes into your life is there for a reason. Each relationship provides valuable lessons. Each person you meet is a reflection of aspects of yourself – even the shadow aspects you would rather not acknowledge. There is no separation, we are all universally connected. Relationships require honesty, openness, good communication, respect and understanding. Not all relationships last for ever. In fact, everything in nature has its own cycle of life. A beginning and a natural ending. The trick is to realise when the end is in sight and have the courage and foresight to let go with love, compassion, forgiveness and gratitude for the lessons learned. Letting go is not always easy, not when you really love someone. However, if you really do love them….you will want the best for them, even if that means letting them go. You can't make an emotional prisoner of another person. If their feelings towards you have changed, it's time to move on – for the highest good of all conce
ed. The most important thing though is to love, respect and approve of your Self first. There is no point in giving and giving of yourself, if you don't also receive in equal measure. Love, honesty and respect need to be mutual for any relationship to work. You are perfect, an individual, courageous, capable, and totally able to manage on your own. The Universe always supports your bravery and provides what you need, when you need it. So, I guess that regardless of whether you are the betrayer, or the betrayed, betrayal is really a signal that it's time to let go and move on – for the highest good of all conce
ed. Maybe you saw the signs and resisted acting in your own best interests. It takes courage to demand respect, risking rejection, or having the strength to wisely walk away, but you can do it! As I'm writing this the 70's song by the group 10CC playing on the radio is just soooo appropriate: "The things we do for love"…LOL