Ask Denise: "Help - should we make a big move out of the city?"

I always wanted to be an agony aunt and I get a lot of emails asking for advice, so I thought I'd start my own column. Each week I'll answer a letter from you! Ask me anything!

This week, Michelle from London is taking the plunge into an awesome opportunity but she's nervous about making the leap...

Hello Denise,

Am asking for help/advice because you always seem so positive and sorted - and hubby and I are trying to feel that way about the scary couple of months ahead. So (deep breath).... if you can offer any positive tips/thoughts/advice I'd appreciate it....

We have been thinking about moving out of the city for a while now. Our landlord is moving back into his apartment and we've been given two month's notice. Yikes. Our hands have been forced.

So we have (at the time of writing) 54 days to pack up our flat, find somewhere to live, move, and then start job hunting in an area where we don't have many contacts, only one family member and a couple of friends about 50 miles away. So it's not all disaster.

We're wondering if we're crazy to try to do this in our late 30s, but also know that if we don't do it now, we probably never will, and are trying to go down the "what's the worst that can happen? We hate it and move again but at least we tried" thought process.

As someone who's moved halfway around the world and back again, lived out of a suitcase and developed a career (and always seems positive and happy)...HELP!!!!!

Glad it all seems to be working for you,
Much love,
Michelle
xxr
On the plus side, rent is less than half what we're paying now, we have some money saved up (although obviously would rather not spend all of our savings on living expenses), we want a family and would rather raise kids by the sea, and we were planning moving anyway.

My Response

Hey Michelle,

I can imagine you're feeling quite unsettled by the whole thing, and it's new so it feels scary, but what a great opportunity you have!

First of all, it's flattering that you think my life is sorted, but that's not 100% true. Everyone thinks that they are the only ones that feel nervous and unsure, but most of us do - so stop worrying - it's only natural to be apprehensive about such a potentially life changing event.

It's interesting to use the words "our hands are forced". People get notice all the time from landlords and two months is pretty good - why do you feel so trapped about it? Then you say "we were planning to move anyway"... but did you have a different time-frame in mind?

I guess the question is - are you moving closer to or far away from what you really want? Sounds like you can recognise - it's cheaper, better for your future family, nice change of pace etc. It doesn't suit your current job, but is there something else you've wanted to do? It might be a great opportunity to do something really different.

You can use your experience and credibility from London to do basically anything you want. I'm sure you've got some secret dreams you want to fulfil, like starting a new career, writing a book or starting your own business.

Make yourself a dream board to get the creative juices flowing, or ask yourself - what do I really want? Create this move exactly the way you want it - what kind of house do you want? What do you want to do with your time?

You can even do a good old pros and cons list with all the advantages and disadvantages of the move and how it impacts on the different areas of your life. You could consider the impact / opportunities for your finances, relationship, health, career, fun, etc and see how it all balances out.

I've just moved to a new town and because I'm starting from scratch, I can create it how I want. Pretty much everything on my dream board is now my life - the beach, dance classes, my career.

It's quite beautiful starting afresh because you can attract the new friends you want, position yourself how you like, start living the lifestyle you want. Nobody knows you any differently!

If you need some help, book a coaching session with me. Together we can go through what's really important to you, what you really want and put together a plan of how to get there. You've got such a great opportunity, although I know it feels uncertain right now.

Seriously - the worse that can happen? You go back to London or you decide to do something else. No kids, no mortgage, flexible career opportunities - anything is possible. You always have the choice to create your life the way you want it.

BTW - when we won the Ultimate Job competition, we had ten days between winning and leaving for the trip. Anything can be done in that time - you just have to expect everything to work out and it will. When we decided to move to Australia, everything started working out perfectly because it was aligned with what we really wanted (better lifestyle, more sun). A cheap car became available, Mark found a job really quickly, his visa took two hours, we met amazing like-minded people...etc.

Hope that helps! It's really exciting, a life change is such a fantastic opportunity and it's exactly what you make of it.

Keep me updated!