Before You Blow Up, Cool Down

Anger spills over into all areas of your life. Unresolved anger transfers to others you are in relationship with.

Anger, when released, without dumping on your relationship, is good. Anger is not bad. We only call it bad because we feel its negative energy. It is only bad when we express it in hurtful and thoughtless ways.

When we are angry our feelings change from moment to moment. Anger produces feelings that are unreliable.

Our feelings often rise and fall as our energy is drawn from the unstable emotions present when anger is being expressed. In those moments our feelings may not be the most reliable source of information to help us move past it.

Always do your best to avoid, at all costs, the necessity of experiencing the negative results of anger. The healthy release of anger must be presented in a way that empowers the relationship; anger expressed without blame, without pointing fingers.

To avoid unnecessary pain, it is important to learn that anger must be expressed with an attitude of acknowledgment; acknowledgment for the responsibility you have for your equal share of the upset.

It is never appropriate to suppress anger or to disregard how we really feel about it. When we feel anger, it is a very real feeling; at that moment, we have an intimate relationship with it.

Anger is difficult to contain. When we are angry, we often feel a need to demonstrate it, talk about it and let people know that we are indeed angry. Only and always talking about it is not enough. Talking about it helps only if your intention is to seek to understand it or to find a way through it, not to justify it or hold on to it.

In reality, anger is a derivative of and an expression of fear. To transcend or master fear, we must turn our back on it; exercise courage. Love cannot exist in the presence of fear. It is impossible for opposites to co-exist. They cannot occupy the same space at the same time. So. . . we drift. Back and forth. Love. Fear. Love. Fear.

We must learn to express love to ourselves and to others in the midst of upsets. Releasing anger in healthy ways proves we are capable of creative acts of wholeness. Healing is always around the corner. It shows up when we have the courage to let go of the anger and fully embrace love.

When you have disagreements, watch for the appropriate opportunity to share what is really in your heart. Little, if any progress can be made during meltdown. Allow a time for cooling off. This is a time when you must work together to create a space for each love partner to express their feelings without any fear that it isn’t safe to do so.

Listen. Communicate. Give up your attachment to being right and settle for a win/win solution that serves both love partners equally.

Only one response to conflict opens the door to greater intimacy; an intent to learn from the experience.

Before you blow up, cool down.