Being: Can Childhood Trauma Make It Hard For Someone To Just Be?

If someone was a take a step back and to reflect on their own behaviour, what they could find is that spend a lot of time do-ing and very little time be-ing. Said another way, they can practically always be on the go.

They are then going to be a human being but it would be more accurate to say that they are a human doing. There is the chance that this is how they have been for as long as they can remember.

Drawing the Line

As a result of this, they could now be at the point where they no longer want to run around like a headless chicken. This is not to say that they are not productive, though, as they may have been able to achieve a lot.

Still, living in this way probably will have taken its toll on them, which is why they will want to be a more balanced human being. Ergo, they will have the need to actually be a human be-ing, not just to be one in name only.

A Hard Place to leave

Nonetheless, as exhausting as it has been for them to live in this way and continues to be, it doesn’t mean that they will just be able to change. A big part of them may be happy to behave in the same way, even though behaving in this way is clearly not serving them.

As a result of this, they are likely to find that being aware of what is going on and wanting their life to change is not enough. It can be as though they are in a battle, or at war, with themselves.

Another Hurdle

Another factor here is that, as destructive as their behaviour is, it can allow them to receive a fair amount of positive feedback from others. Some people can see them as someone who “embraces life” and is a “go-getter”, for instance.

Thanks to this, if they were to change their behaviour, part of them could fear that they will lose a lot of positive feedback. This could even be seen as something that will cause other people to turn their back on them.

Trapped

As their need to change is not as strong as their need to behave in the same way, using their will power alone is not going to cut it. This might work for a short while but, before long, they will simply revert to how they were before.

When they are able to stop acting like a human doing, this could be a time when they feel uneasy. To feel better about themselves, then, they could soon find something to keep them busy.

Something is Not Right

What is clear is that acting like a human doing is what feels comfortable and, due to this, it is hard for them to change. The big question is: why is it that this feels comfortable as opposed to being a human being?

Ultimately, being a human being should be their default position and, from here, should be the doing, not the other way around. When one experiences life in this way, they will be able to recharge and do things that are in alignment with who they are.

Going Deeper

The reason that being a human doing is their default position can be because they are in a traumatised state. This will then be why they feel uneasy whenever they attempt to just be and worry about losing the approval, the ego love, which is provided by others.

If they were not in this state, they would be able to sink into their body and feel at home. This would be a time when they would feel at peace, experience a felt sense of safety, security, worth and love and simply feel good.

A Very Different Experience

Through being in this traumatised state, it can be too painful for them to be in their body and, even if they can get in there, they might soon be pushed out of it. Living on the surface of themselves, as unpleasant as this will be, will be a way for them to avoid how they feel.

Also, it will be a way for them to try to experience the feelings that they would naturally experience if they felt comfortable being in their own body. By being estranged from their “inner kingdom”, they will naturally try to source these inner states indirectly by doing, achieving, acquiring more.

Way Back

Instead of their body being the part of them that nourishes them, it will be a part of them that undermines them. Deep down, what they do will be coming from their need to avoid themselves and from a place of lack, not to express their true-self and from a place of wholeness.

What this can illustrate is that their early years were a stage of their life when they were traumatised on a regular basis, with this being a time when they were abused and/or neglected. To handle what was going on, they would have had to leave their body.

The Fall Out

Many, many years will have passed since that stage of their life, but they will generally be stuck in their sympathetic nervous system and they will still be carrying most, if not all, of the pain that they experienced. And, as they didn’t receive the care that they needed to develop in the right way, they won’t have developed a felt sense of safety, security, self-worth and self-love.

For their life to change, they will need to deal with the pain that their emotional body and nervous system is carrying. Another part of this will be to shine the light on the limiting beliefs that they developed during this stage of their life.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for exte
al support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.