Being Seen: Can Child Abuse Cause Someone To Associate Being Seen With Being Humiliated?

Although someone will have the need to be seen, it doesn’t mean that they will feel comfortable being seen. This might be something that they are not consciously aware of or this might not be the case.

If this is something that they are not consciously aware of, they could often feel ignored and invisible. They are then going to physically exist but it will be as though they are missing something.

A Confusing Scenario

To try to change this, over the years they may have spent a lot of time and energy on their appearance. By wearing different clothes and having different haircuts, for instance, they will have tried to stand out.

But, regardless of what they have done to try to be seen, it won’t have had much of an effect on their life. Thanks to this, they could often feel angry and frustrated and hopeless and helpless.

Just As Confusing

If they are aware of the fact that they don’t feel comfortable being seen, they could relate to all of the above but they could also wonder why this is such an issue for them. When they are seen, this could typically be a time when they feel hot, deeply uncomfortable and want to hide.

It might be only too clear how this is holding them back in life, with it making it hard for them to move forward in their career and have fulfilling relationships. Through being this way, they won’t feel comfortable receiving much attention and sharing their needs and feelings.

The Meaning

Thus, being seen is not purely about someone being looked at by others; it is also about them expressing their inner world. As, on the other side of this, is someone who receives a lot of attention but doesn’t reveal what is taking place inside them.

They will then be physically seen by others but, deep down, they are likely to feel unseen. To receive this kind of attention from others will be better than being completely deprived of attention, of course, but it won’t truly allow them to feel seen and heard.

The Experience

If they were to think about what has taken place for them this week, they could see that there have been moments when they were seen and felt deeply uncomfortable. They could find that they have been this way for as long as they can remember.

Due to this, a lot of their time and energy will have been spent, both consciously and unconsciously, doing what they can to avoid being seen. In their eyes, being seen could be seen as something that shouldn’t be uncomfortable.

A Closer Look

If they have been this way for as long as they can remember, it could be the result of what took place during their formative years. But, if they can’t remember much about what happened at this stage of their life, it is likely to show that their brain has blocked out what took place to protect them.

Throughout this stage of their life, they might have been deprived of the nutrients that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Being physically harmed, put down and neglected might then have been the norm.

The Foundations Were Laid

Consequently, being seen is likely to have been associated as something that was painful, not pleasurable. Furthermore, it would be something that would cause them to be humiliated and either harmed and/or rejected.

So, instead of this being a time when they would feel comfortable, it would be a time when they would feel uncomfortable. Feeling ashamed, worthless, helpless and going into a frozen and collapsed state might have been the norm.

Two Parts

Along with the associations that were created, there would have been the pain and arousal that were automatically repressed by their brain. As an adult, before they are about to be seen, their brain will automatically scan their early reference points, when they were seen, to see how they should behave and to protect them.

This will define how they perceive what is going on and the thoughts, feelings and sensations that they will experience. It won’t matter that this stage of their life is different and this current situation is not the same, as a big part of them won’t realise this.

It’s over

For them to know, at the core of their being that this stage of their life is over and no longer project their past onto their present, they will probably need to work through the pain and arousal that is held inside their brain and body. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Engaging in this process will allow them to gradually feel comfortable revealing their true self and truly being seen. They will slowly know that there is nothing inherently wrong with them and that they don’t need to hide their true self in order to be loved, accepted or survive.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for exte
al support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.