Being Successful in the Face of Adversity

So many articles and blogs focus on being successful, moving forward and how to get where you want to be but there aren’t many that talk about how you get there when you don’t have the support of family because life at home is difficult or nonexsistent. Being a young adult is difficult enough when you are beginning to navigate through life and figure things out and you don’t even know what you don’t know yet. Despite lifes circumstances, it is very possible to be a success and there are many young adults who for what ever reason are focused enough to get there. Two of my favorite stories that depict this are the one about Liz Murray who was featured in the movie Homeless to Harvard and Michael Oher in the Blindside. While my story is different, the experiences are similar. At 16 years old I was declared an emancipated minor and never saw my mother again. I was very fortunate to have a wonderful family who agreed to be appointed my legal Guardian and took me into their home until I graduated high school. While my mother initially tried to convince them that I was nothing but trouble, I managed to make my way back on the honor roll and make the cheerleading squad. After high school though, I was on my own. I did my first year of college but in the end came home, married young, had children young and divorced young. My children became my life and I loved every minute of it. But being a young single mom with small children and having little more than my high school education at the time the odds were against me…or so everyone else thought. I tell this story not because I want everyone to know the details of my life but for everyone to know that anything is possible if you want it. I had a newspaper route which required me to get up at 5am every day to do with my children in the carseat. To this day, they remember those days and we laugh about them now. After about a year of doing that and other side jobs, I was given the opportunity to work at a local company at an administrative level. I realized early on that this was my opportunity to start showing people what I was all about. I went back to school and majored in accounting although I was never able to finish because the demands of working full time and being a young single mother were too much. So, I decided to educate myself in other ways. No matter what job I took, I learned as much as possible about the job. Even early on when I was an accounts payable clerk, I always tried to see the big picture and understand the impact of what my function was on other areas. I took the jobs that no one else wanted because they may have been hard or too demanding, I went to every seminar and training that the company would send me to and most importantly I listened to constructive critism. I kept that same ethic job after job and today, while some people may not think I’m as successful as I see myself, in my mind I’ve put in just as much work as a CEO..maybe more. Here is my point and the reason that I share this story and ultimately, the reason that I became certified as a Coach. ANYTHING is possible!!! There will always be people that will give you the negatives of why you can’t make it. What they don’t realize is that if you focus on the positive, anyone can do anything however, you have to be open and honest enough to do the hard work. Now the important part, my 10 tips as I see them. 1) Opportunity: Opportunities are available to everyone regardless of the circumstances in your life. If you are fortunate to have someone in your life that can mentor you, use them. They obviously care and have a wealth of knowledge. If you want to go to college and don’t have anyone to help you navigate through the process, pick a few colleges that interest you and talk to their admissions officer. When they are aware of your circumstances, you will be surprised at how willing they are to help. 2) Listen and learn: Early on as you are beginning your career be open to everything, soak in as much information as you can from those around you. There is a wealth of knowledge and experience in the people that you work with. 3) Identify your own strengths: Are you very detailed, organized and like knowing the rules and follow them? Are you creative or have musical talents? Can you handle a lot of stress or do you just want to do your job and go home? Do you want to work with children or adults? Do you like to make decisions or would you prefer that someone give you direction? Understand your strengths and try to identify the types of jobs that may fit that. 4) Take the jobs that no one else wants to do: Is the job extremely demanding or driven by hard deadlines? Is it very detailed, tedious and time consuming? Does it require mandatory overtime during certain periods? Pitch in to help someone work on a project. It may seem meaningless to you but could be very important to someone else. There is nothing worse than someone who has an attitude of “it is not my job”. As a manager, I still open and process mail, copy and scan documents and file. I have a rule of not making my direct reports do anything that I would not do myself. 5) Make yourself the “go to” person: When others that you work with, especially senior managers, realize that you are not only willing to take on tasks but also provide a good work product, they will naturally start to go to you. In time, this will always open doors of opportunity and more importantly gain the trust and respect of people you work with. 6) Attitude is EVERYTHING: The most important tip that I have, is this one. It does not matter how well educated your are, if you always have a bad attitude it will be seen by your peers and managers and they will not go to you. I have worked with so many people in my career who have more education than I can ever dream of, that have never been able to get ahead in their careers because of their attitude. The sad reality is that they generally do not see it. 7) There is value in every experience: In the 8th grade my mother put me into a school in a very difficult neighborhood. Having spent the first part of my life in an upsale suburban community, this was very difficult for me. My mother always told me that you can learn in any environment if you want to. I never forgot that! At times in your career you will be in what seems like the worst job and can’t see the value. Even in the worst environments, there are good knowledgeable people. Stand above the rest and let them see what you are about. You never know opportunities will come up or when they will leave and take you with them to a place that will give you amazing experiences. Trust me! I’ve had this happen! 8) Always be professional: If you can avoid it, don’t engage in office gossip and rumors. There is nothing productive that comes out of that and it often unnecessarily lowers morale especially if the place that you are working at is going through changes. If someone asks you to keep something confidential, do it! There are times that you will be trusted with information that should not be public knowledge. If people know that you are telling others, you will no longer be trusted. 9) Learn conflict resolution: This is a difficult one at any stage of your career. Instead of running to management to complain or blame someone else every time you have a problem, look to them for support in finding positive solutions to handle it. Also ask for constructive feedback at what you may be able to do differently to have another outcome the next time. Over time it will show them that you can handle conflict with both your peers and managers. 10) Find a Mentor: Throughout the lifetime of your career you will have many mentors who will help you navigate through all of the challenges. As you get to know people that you work with or for, find someone that you respect who shares some of the same values. I have been very fortunate to have some of the greatest mentors. Most importantly, it is always great to hear about all of the great things that you are doing but hearing what you can do better is what will provide you the most value and opportunities to grow. As you go through life and your career there will be lots of judgement. Ignore it because it means nothing except that someone is formulating an opinion about you based on their own assumptions and very limited knowledge. As long as you stand true to who you are, the people that matter will see it. You do not always need to be the squeaky wheel to get what you want. Actions speak much louder than words and silence, at times, is golden!!!!