Best Ever Funny Statuses

You can also make your own compilation of your favorite jokes on internet which can be accessed by the whole world or by the person you want without spending even a little penny. You can Update your funny statuses on daily basis, its the easily way to attract people on your facebook profile. Most of people would say they are just for fun. 1) "Today I told my car it's ok to tell me it's a Transformer. It did'nt answer. I figure it's just waiting for the right moment...." 2) "Not every flower can say love, a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, a cactus did. Not every retard can read, but look at you go!" 3) "like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert!!" 4) "Some things man was never meant to know. For everything else, there’s Google." 5) "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet." 6) "..says my computer just beat me at chess...but it was no match for me at kick boxing." 7) "I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?" 8) "Tried comforting my buddy that was waiting on the results of his HIV test. I guess "think positive" wasn't what he wanted to hear." 9) "..wants to be buried at sea... so if you wanna dance on my grave, be my guest!" 10) "My gf died in my arms. Actually I was holding her under the water." 11) The smartest guys marry on 1st April.. the risk is minimal even if u forget d anniversary. 12) You know how you can hear the sea if you hold a shell to your ear?I'm pretty sure if you hold sh*t to your ear it sounds like Gary Neville. 13) I killed a guy today.. April Fools! It was a girl.. 14) The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.