Betrayal, Cheating, Trust & Forgiveness

Betrayal is a common occurrence. Research shows that a large proportion of partners betray their “loved ones”. A person thinking that his/her partner is “unique”, “special” and “exceptional” might stop thinking it after finding the partner has been unfaithful. After all, he/she has become “just like one of them”, hasn’t he/she? What follows is often sorrow, anger, sadness, confusion, self-doubt, blame, uncertainty, disillusion, and more. Is it possible to trust a partner that has betrayed you? Is it possible to forgive him/her when they ask that to be give “one more chance”? Wouldn’t his/her betrayal keep surfing in your mind over and over again “until death will do you apart”? Does time really heal all wounds? Finding out that your partner has cheated on you, two emotions, out of the many possible that might overcome you, are often rage as well as sorrow. Feeling rage you feel victimized, let-down, unloved and ignored. You then blame your partner for everything, deciding to punish him/her, maybe even to leave the relationship. Feeling sorrow is a little bit more complicated. You then realize that whatever has happened and whatever you may decide to do, it is your loss as well. You feel sorry about everything you have cherished and believed in, which now blows up right in your face! Not discounting the hurt you might feel and all other emotions which engulf you, as well as your tendency to blame your partner for all and everything that might have taken place within your relationship for-who-knows-how-long-a-time-now, this might also be a time for you to reflect about your relationship and about your part in it: were you there for your partner? Were you open with one another? Have you shown respect for each other? Have you communicated and conversed often about whatever is important for you in life, work and in your relationship? Have you two devoted enough time for each other, or was each one of you busy with his/her own work? Whatever you notice, realize and become aware of, it does not mean that you need to take the blame for your partner’s behavior. It only says that whatever has happened in your relationship depended on the two of you, the dance you danced together, and you too might take responsibility for whatever failures your relationship has experienced. You might feel hurt – that’s for sure; you might decide to “never-ever forgive and forget”. This is normal and humane. Yet, could there be anything that you did or didn’t do in the relationship that drove/pushed/motivated your partner to seek solace with someone else? (Whatever you did or didn’t do might still not justify your partner’s behavior). However, taking responsibility, looking inwards to look at your own attitudes and behaviors within the relationship help you grow. “Using” this sad situation to wonder about the way you handle yourself in a relationship can help you realize and acknowledge – maybe for the first time ever – how you behave within a relationship, what lessons you might need to learn and what changes you may want to consider – for the benefit of your current relationship or next ones.