Body Langauge & Dating: How to Send Signals that Support You

Is your body language aligned with the message you want to send? On The Today Show with Kathie Lee and Hoda, body language expert Janine Driver weighed on the silent yet significant signals speed daters were sending each other at a Professionals in the City speed dating event. As you’ve probably experienced in your own life, body language is a key piece in how you relate to others and often influences your decision about whether or not to pursue a potential love interest.

Do his overly aggressive actions make you feel more like a woman or a piece of meat? Does her overly flirtatious behavior inspire you to take her out for dinner or straight home for a one-time roll in the sack? In truth, your stance on men, women, double standards and more doesn’t change the fact that body language often influences the results you get in the relationship market. In case you missed Janine, here are some of her observations:

1. Holding your wrist is a sign that you need reassurance
2. Crossing your ankles says that you’d rather be someplace else
3. If you’re overly animated in a tight spot, you’ll likely come across as desperate and overly aggressive
4. Keeping an open frame and engaging as though you’re speaking with a friend or family member is a powerful sign of confidence.

Now I agree with Kathie Lee who was quick to comment on the importance of being true to yourself rather than trying to manipulate your behavior in a way that really isn’t you. One of my favorite quotes from my book Thank Goodness You Dumped His Ass is, “changing who you are, what you like, how you act or how you speak will only attract a mate that you always have to be the other person with.” However Spring has sprung and the concept of love is rapidly thawing in even the coldest parts of the country. So how can you ensure that your body language is aligned with the message you want to send without engaging in a phony, overly thought out and probably painfully, transparent performance? It’s simple. The best way to steer your actions and your results is by being aware of what your intentions are as well as what’s driving them.

As Janine Driver stated, your intent always comes first. Intent is followed by your body language, thinking and then your words. Therefore the best way to ensure that your body language is sending the signals you wish is to be aware of your intention along with what’s driving your actions.

What is motivating you in the moment of meeting others? You might be there wanting to meet a man but have an even stronger desire to feel attractive. If your intention to feel attractive outweighs your intention to meet a match, your body language will be aligned with wanting to feel attractive. Seeking such validation could easily cause you to act too forwardly, or use words and gestures that are designed to get attention rather than genuine interest.

Dating doesn’t have to complicated. Use your awareness to ensure that your intentions are clear and motivated by desires that will enhance (rather than hinder) your ability to attract what you want. Your body language will effortlessly send the signals you wish. For the straightforward scoop on how to attract the ultimate relationship, pick up a copy of my entertaining yet strategic new book "Thank Goodness You Dumped His Ass—Use Those Mr. Wrongs to Lead You Straight to Mr. Right." Love is yours and success awaits you.