Breaking Up Is Hard To Do--The Difficulties of Exiting a Relationship

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

We have all been in relationships that went on too long but were unable to end the ongoing agony. Sometimes breaking up is just too hard to do. You stop calling or taking phone calls, make up dubious excuses to stop hanging out and just about anything to avoid the "break up" conversation. After all, the person isn't so terrible but for whatever reason the relationship has run its course.

I always preferred getting dumped—it spared me the hassle. Listening to someone else try to spare my feelings and pretending to be bummed was just easier. I haven’t always been so lucky, however. Like you, I have had to spew nonsensical bullshit to escape a relationship. Things like we would both be better off apart so we could grow as individuals. If it was meant to be, we will both re-connect in the future. I need to focus on my studies, sports, job, etc. and feel it best to not be in a relationship right now.

Break up lines are nice tidy platitudes we use to untangle ourselves without having to convey the ugly truth. Our intentions are good, even righteous. With a little luck, your partner feels the same way and accepts the clichés for what they are and both parties can move on with their dignities intact. Looking back at all the break-up euphemisms, I wonder if brutal honesty would have been the right way to go. What would the “truth” have sounded like?
• I like to do “dirty shit” in bed and because it took me six months to convince you to blow me, I can extrapolate that banging you in the ass will take years. I don’t have that kind of time.
• I am only 22 and unless you can get on board with me sleeping around as often as I can and with whomever I feel like (which will require you to pretend like you don’t know me in certain social settings), I need to move on and see what fate has in store for me.
• Your vagina is too wet, not wet enough, too big and looks like it went 12 rounds with a ferocious farm animal.
• The barely visible facial hair is such a turn off and given that I need to look at your face when we speak, I see no alternative but to end this.
• I don’t like your voice and every time you call me “honey,” it is like nails on a chalkboard. Change your voice or this relationship is over.
• After two months of dating, it is clear to me that you don’t add much value and have very little to say that interests me and because the amount of time we spend speaking far outweighs the time we can fuck, the cost-benefit analysis tells me that this relationship can’t go on.
• You remind me of my mother.
• You have a funky smell. Not bad, just funky. It bugs me.
• You told me that you are saving yourself for marriage. I didn’t believe you. Now I do. Goodbye.

I suspect some female readers out there could craft a nice long list all their own (e.g., his man tits made you cringe, his micro-penis was never going to satisfy you sexually the way your previous asshole boyfriend with the big cock did, his smelly balls and genital region was vomit inducing, his awkward relationship with his mom was creepy in an oedipal kind of way, his eating habits and bodily odors were off-putting or perhaps he was just too dumb and his earning potential too low).

I sometimes wonder (but never for too long) the real reason previous girlfriends dumped me and whether I really would want to know. The truth could be a bit traumatic, especially if it is something you can’t fix. The already difficult dating and fucking ritual could become downright impossible if you were armed with the truth of your own shortcomings. So perhaps we are all better off with the bullshit. It allows us to press forward on our quest for the “one” without doing too much damage along the way.

Let us know some of the best break up lines you have heard or, better yet, have said.

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