Brief Grief

Reducing grief to the shortest period of time.nnThis NEW description of grief is created to cause the possibility of change, in the shortest time, perhaps within 30 days.nnGrief is:n An Initial Sensitizing Event (the death event or a prior death event)n The continuance of Ruminating Conversations, without endn Angern Fearn Not feeling safennEmotions of Anguish, Despair, Anger and Fear placed in our learning, without human language, while transitioning into sleep.nnRegardless of personal experience and different circumstances, the above description is universal in different measures for each person. Not everyone’s experience is the same, but the above list is universal to every person.nnWhen each of these components are addressed, and the feeling of being safe is restored, grief can become brief.nnBut, those who categorize grief as a ‘process without specific interdictions’ do so because they have not seen the above components addressed quickly, universally, or accurately. nnPlease consider the process of an acorn growing to a mature oak tree. Germination, the growth of a sapling. Receiving sufficient light, water and nutrients. Culminating in a large oak tree creating a new acorn. This process can be interrupted. It can be enhanced. It can be brought to completion faster with positive intervention only IF: we understand germination, photosynthesis, geotropism, and the other aspects of tree growth and mature reproduction of trees.nnIf we understand the emotional fixations of anger and fear, grief can be made brief. We can understand the process of initial sensitizing events and how they create a learning of Anger/Fear. If we agree, emotions are learned and not genetic or chemically created. If we understand that in learning an emotion and review of that emotion causes our increased ability and skill to practice and participate in it, if we can understand these things, we can have the basis of changing grief, with new tools. nnThe components of grief; anger, fear, despair, and not feeling safe can be changed. But, without this acknowledgment, it’s possible the focus of attention will not be re-directed to joy. The focus on that bad feeling, unique to each person, may remain the focus of attention. nnUntil the worst occurs, we don’t take action. This is how I understand the worst is created. nnThe repressed memory is many times not created in that moment of that 1st event. A repressed memory many times is not the terrible event, but really a small event, perhaps in itself an event of seemingly no consequence. (Yes, of course a repressed memory can be a huge traumatic event which causes a repressed memory... but that huge event and the small events ARE the learnings which accumulate anger and fear, and cause the focus into the past and precludes the living in the NOW.)nnThe repressed memory is a 1st learning. Established by learning the emotions of Anger and or Fear. It seems that a repressed memory is more the LEARNING to associate anger and fear over time, rather than the single event in itself. nnThis learning is the beginning of the SORTING PROCESS which the human mind uses for our incremental education. The sorting and comparison process makes future recall extremely fast. But, this speed of recall, through this sorting process comes with a price.nnThe speed of the learning/sorting process includes the sorting of the emotions of anger and fear. This is a cause of rumination, the incremental learning process. nnMy mother’s death, the moment that news came, did not create my grief. That word in itself didn’t create it. That word Mom. That word died. Many times in my life, I heard those words. Mom and died. nnSaid together, “Mom died.” Did not create my grief. My grief was created by what I did with those words. How I felt after, and how I made myself feel. How I expected to feel and how I created the outcome of those feelings around that news. How I expected to feel around that anniversary date, those words even 5 years later. I created the 'expectation' to feel grief, before the anniversary date, even anticipating what I would feel, before that day. I caused this to occur. nnThe initial sensitizing event is NOT a bad feeling or debilitation when it occurs. This event appears to be a primer. The initial event is a point of learning. This is an event, which can cause us to bring future emotions to anchor on that initial learning. This seems to be the human learning process. Not only to make association with intellectual growth, but to make associations with emotional disappointments. nnThe human learning process is not without emotion.nnIt would appear the onset of grief, which is not in that single event itself, can become a real debilitation over time through the process of the continual opening and reviewing the event and other conversations like it. “Like it” is the sorting process, the comparing of conversations and events which cause us to learn anger and fear.nnThe repressed memory is an accumulation of anger or fear or both, until such that the wrappers of anger and fear are so available, the emotions which are accumulated makes one blind from intellectually knowing the cause of the emotional learning. nnThis is what I refer to as wrapping an event or thought or belief with the “wrappers of anger or fear”.nnIf one feels grief is a process without intervention: Consider today an individual who has broken their arm. Do you expect an intervention which identifies where and how severe the break, the setting of the bones, and the repair of the associated tissue. The immobilization of the arm until it heals… or the debilitation of an arm which no longer functions as it normally did prior to the break?nnToday, would one say "my grandfather died of a stroke, and so should everyone else."? Or, should we say, "We know about heart disease and cholesterol, we know about diet and exercise, we have medical interventions, today no one should have a stroke!"nnToday, unfortunately when someone uses the term GRIEF PROCESS, that implies no action, no outcome but the verbal implied action. nnThis maybe your 1st presentation of the components of grief, from an actionable perspective. nnAddressing the anger or fear embedded in the subconscious through the emotional release work, is NOT what your grandmother did. nnThis is NEW information. Reframing of the emotional fixations is a new concept which most are unfamiliar with. The continuance of growing wrappers of anger and fear. The transition into sleep, with despair and other sad emotions cause the learning and rehearsal of those emotions.nnWould you have a child transition into sleep with despair? Would you view those facial expressions, see that child reduce his or her respiration and heart rate…drift to sleep in REM dreaming and learning. How do you expect that learning to be present the next day?nnAnd, how would you expect that emotion of despair to present itself? Depression? Grief? Fear? We typically do not admit to these mechanisms, which cause grief to be established. nnThe transitioning into sleep, learning despair and anguish, anger and most of all fear is the primary learnings contributing to not only grief but to other emotional fixations. These learnings of emotion are accomplished without human language. Therefore, if implanted without language, do you expect language to address those non-language learnings? nnDo we actually expect language to break these wrappers of anger and fear?nnIf the learning of grief is without human language, the healing of grief must become the ‘reverse’ of this process. Reversing of the grief lesson may have to be accomplished without intellectual learning. With emotional learning. The healing of grief comes with the emotional release and breaking the wrappers of anger and fear.nnThis breaking of anger, fear, despair which is learned while transitioning to sleep is addressed in deepest relaxation, where heart rate and respiration are reduced, similar to sleep. nnDuring this time of reduced respiration, when REM occurs the therapeutic application of the following can occur.nnThe lesson I learned in the healing of grief comes through:n Abreaction Emotional releasen Desensitization No longer a point of emotional focusn Emotional Reframing Believe the best, emotionallynnThis is because Grief is based upon:n Multiple More than onen Compounded Interleaved and cannot stand alonen Emotional If Logic based, could be fixed with a spreadsheetn Fixations Totally fixed, unmovable.nnThe above is established and re-enforced through:n Negotiation Bringing the points to focusn Agreement Agree to focus on these aspectsn Expectation The future will hold the aspects of the agreementn nEssentially, grief is the negotiation to feel fear and/or anger associated with an event. It is the agreement to accept that negotiation and it leads to the EXPECTATION the next time that thought/memory/experience is reviewed, the agreed emotion will live.nnUnfortunately, we have not learned to expect joy over despair. And for some reason, unknown to me, we don’t accumulate joy in the same way we accumulate anger/fear. It is unfortunate that those people who have become so deeply despaired have the expectation that despair will continue. nnCould it be now in your joy to understand grief could be shortened to 30 days? Would you like to make this possible with me?nnIf you have seen this:n Then you know brief grief is possible. nIf you have not seen this:n What is the reason you have not seen grief become brief? nnThe oak tree story describes a process, but… Grief is not perceived as the individual components which can be positively changed in a short period of time. I practice resolving the fear, which is created due to grief... resolution of ruminating conversations, helping the individual feel safe again. But, without this acknowledgment of positive change, addressing each individual’s needs may NEVER have a personal resolution, neither briefly or in decades. nnGrief can live for decades, or shorten one’s life. Grief can strip one's ability to love those who deserve that person's joy.nnIdentifying the individual’s impasse and encourage the shift to occur in the shortest period of time. It is unfortunate; most people feel this is impossible –and I have heard many say this is impossible only because they have not seen it. nnHealing in a brief time can be everyone’s prayer and achievement. nnI hope I’ve inspired you to demand Brief Grief to be a daily occurrence. nnThe practice of these techniques is for JOY and LOVE and FORGIVENESS to live. That person can move out of the stuckness, perhaps even lengthening their life. nnPerhaps the focus on joy can occur, with these techniques. These techniques are not magic. When they are seen in demonstration and shared in teaching, these techniques can be learned and practiced. nnYes, that person who passed, they wouldn’t want you to be in grief for even one minute, would they? So, perhaps in this statement, you can take the hand of everyone you know living today, and tell that person, son, daughter, mother, father, wife, husband, tell them, they should NOT be in grief when your passing occurs. And, once you hear your words to those people who are dear to you, recognize the fact, that person who you are currently in grief for, wants you to live with the joyous memory of them, feeling love and the memories of their smile. nnThis process does not ignore or eliminate the memory of love. Brief grief can bring love into focus. The process of Brief Grief allows the choice to no longer focus on the anger, fear, despair and helplessness, which many cannot seem to shake. nnThe agreement you had with that person the day you met, that meeting could have held the word, JOY.nnThe sense of joy can return, while the pain is extinguished. This is available, and the option to use these techniques reside in the individual’s choice. Would you like to choose the memory of love and the feeling of joy?nnBest Regards, nnPaul RiekernTemecula, CA 951-970-5641 nnCopyright Paul Rieker 2007