Upsetting the status quo, your family of origin's reaction to your new boundaries.

Upsetting the status quo, your family of origin's reactionto your new boundaries.Or no good deed goes unpunished nna Article by David Bruce Jr Now that you have your new found functional boundaries,what is some bad news you now have to deal with? You will have to decide, with determination, that you'vedone this for YOUR benefit. You have to make this effort with the underlying goal ofvaluing yourself! Virtually no one in your current circle of friends,acquaintances, or especially your family of origin is goingto support you in this noble endeavor!nnwhy? Because you have changed the rules! In your family of origin, and more than likely, yourcurrent family (if you have one), everyone has operated onthe status quo, they've learned that to 'get their needsmet' depends on everyone staying in the dysfunctionalpattern. In family systems theory the clinical term for thissituation is homeostasis. What is going on is that, in spite of the fact that,rationally speaking, operating with functional boundariesis better for all conce ed- everyone has, dysfunctionalyspeaking, adapted to everyone else agreeing to being wherethey currently are in the pecking order. Your explaining, in rational terms, is likely to havelittle effect on anyone involved. I'm sorry to have to break this to you, but this is the way it is. Regardless of how you feel about the Christian metaphor,you're going to be in the same boat as Job from the oldtestament. You're going to have to learn to love God ( and yourself )for no reason! Not for selfish personal gain, which is exactly what isgoing on if your attempting to do this to save arelationship, you're going to have to set your boundariesbecause you value yourself! How can I test my new boundaries with my children? Go get a fantastic book called S.T.E.P, you can find it on www.victimbehavior.com/change/ If you find that you cannot do what is suggested, you still need work. You will also find that children do not really know why,intellectually, why they do some of the things they do. Itcan be counter productive for you to teach withintellectual explanations, What you're going to have to dois to teach by example. This is tough, double tough, but is rewarding beyond yourwildest dreams if you remain true to your self.nna Article by David Bruce Jr Self Help for Self Destructive Behaviorwww.victimbehavior.comnnyou may reprint this article provided you leave all the links intact and include this