Bullies: One Size Does Not Fit All Seven Types of Bullies

While the psychology of bullies may vary, they do share a few common beliefs. They all tend to be self-centered and stuck in their own ego. There is an attitude of arrogance and entitlement. They are intolerant of differences whether it be color, creed, size, money, values, intelligence or whatever they choose to perceive as different. In the bully’s mind, different is inferior and superiority is part of their agenda. Exclusion is their social weapon of choice.

Types of Bullies

1. The Bullied Bully acts out his own pain from being bullied himself. His armor and defenses are so strong that he is out of touch with the pain of his own feelings or reality and thus has no compassion for others. Bullying others is cathartic and a release of his hurt and anger. Low self -esteem feeds the fighting frenzy and in projecting his own inadequacies onto you, he sees in you what he hates in himself. His caustic behavior is an unhealthy attempt to psychologically cleanse his own soul. Early detection and intervention such as counseling and therapy are recommended. The tragedies at Columbine High School and Virginia Tech are examples of the bullied bully.

2. The Social Bully just follows the crowd with peer pressure being the cause. It is often the method of choice for girls who are insecure and jealous and thus exclude and isolate their victims in an attempt to elevate themselves. They are manipulative, two-faced and often charming to cover up their scars and struggle with inferiority. Developing inner strength and a positive self-image will often reduce this type of intimidation. As they feel better about themselves, they respect others as well.

3. The Iceberg Bully has checked out. He is totally detached, unfeeling and cold. His armor and defenses are so strong that he is out of touch with the pain of his own feelings or reality and thus has no compassion for others. He has sociopathic tendencies and it appears that he was born to bully. He sees people as objects or prey. Therapy is not often successful and removing him from the environment is often the only way to create a safe community.
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5. The Gangster Bully only works in groups to gain power and domination. He is loyal to his gang where he feels a sense of inclusion and belongingness. His violent behavior is justified by the fact that all of his peers are also doing it and it is a social norm of that culture. This type bully is usually limited to gang and drug activity and not pervasive. This level of bullying requires law enforcement.

5. The Bully by Default is the bystander who by doing nothing is promoting it. Converting bystanders to upstanders and giving them a voice is how we can most effectively conquer this social atrocity. If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. Giving permission, encouraging responsibility and providing anonymous reporting systems will help kids take the necessary action for prevention.

6. The Cyber Bully is the fastest growing sector and presents the greatest challenge. With cell phones and the internet we are literally giving children access to weapons to act as warriors before they have wisdom. The attacks go viral in minutes and in an instant there can be an army in attack mode. There is no escape as the intimidation continues 24/7. It is elusive and more difficult to know who is the attacker. Too often it is a friend who has betrayed you. Cyber bullying is a convenient way for little girls to take on big boys without getting hurt. It is growing fastest among whites and the wealthy who often have access to more electronic devices used as weapons.

7. The Arrogant Bully is the new breed. He does not suffer from low self-esteem as many bullies once did, but rather inhales the ether of entitlement. It is often the jock or the cheerleader and kids who are popular. They become “high” on their own power and influence and hurt others simply because they can. Their image and charm with school personnel and their own parents allow them to get away with it and thus the insensitivity of this new crop of bullies becomes a bit unstoppable. We often see this behavior in sports heroes, politicians and other people of power who abuse their leadership role.