Yes, they can.rnWhen others fail to think, say or act in line with what we expect of them, when people do not follow the expected rules, or when one does not conform to the expected ideas in our mind, we often feel slighted or disappointed. We have a lot of expectations from our own self too. And when we are unable to meet those expectations, it causes us emotional distress such as anxiety, stress, frustration, self-judgment, depression.
As big our attachment is, that big is our expectation from it. And as big our expectation is, the impact on us (on our mental health) when these expectations are not fulfilled too is bound to be that big.
Expectations breed anger and resentmentrnThe Enlightened One explains:
“Why do you become angry? What do you want? Find that out.rnSince your expectations do not get fulfilled, that’s why you get angry. Hence, rnRemove your expectations, and rnAdjust everywhere,rnAvoid Clashes.rnHave zero expectations. Do not hope for any of your expectations to get fulfilled. Rather, always have the wish to give to others. Why should we beg before someone, ‘I fulfilled 10 wishes of yours, you should fulfil atleast one of mine.’
Rather, we should be ready that, ‘Owing to circumstances, it may happen that my expectations do not get fulfilled. I don’t want to make a hue and cry about it.’ rnWhenever your expectation does not get fulfilled, do not quarrel.
Suppose you’ve informed your Dad that, ‘I’ll be home by 7pm.’ But then you get caught in traffic, and hence you turn up late. Doesn’t that happen? Now, instead of 7pm, if you reach home at 8pm, does your Dad scold you or does he beat you up and throw you out of your home? No! He understands that you got held up in traffic, it’s not your mistake, you got late due to circumstances.
Is it our mistake to have kept expectations or is it the other person’s mistake to have not fulfilled those expectations? rnIt is our mistake to have kept expectations! rnSo let’s improve upon our mistake. Henceforth, maintain this awareness. This awareness will have to be maintained throughout life.
And in the past whenever your intentions got maligned because your expectations were not fulfilled, do pratikraman (as explained below) for all such instances. If the other person couldn’t fulfil our mistake, understand that it is due to certain circumstances that he couldn’t. He may have fulfilled one or two expectations earlier, hasn’t he?rnExpectations arise when we have attachment for someone. And when expectations do not get fulfilled, it causes fights and hatred arises. It creates a divide between us. Then, similar behaviour repeats with every other relative in the house too.”
Hence, do PratikramanrnPratikraman means asking for forgiveness from the God residing in the person (who couldn’t fulfil our expectations):
‘Dear God, I made this mistake of maligning my intentions because of my expectations. I hurt this person and quarrelled with him. Please forgive me and grant me strength so that I do not commit this mistake again.’rnWhile expectations mentally destroy you, where there is no expectation, of not even a single thing, there arises bliss!rnBliss means happiness that is eternal, which does not depend upon any person or anything external. The source of such bliss is our own Self, the real Self!
rnWe are really a pure Soul, the inherent property of which is eternal bliss, in other words, permanent happiness. However we realize our real Self only when we attain Self-Realization. rnWhen we attain Self-Realization, expectations minimize automatically and pure love begins to manifest withinrnExpectations minimize automatically when we attain Self-Realization because when our very own Self is an abode of eternal bliss, permanent happiness, there remains no need to look for happiness outside, isn’t it?
Also, the Soul is nothing but pure love. What does pure love mean?rnThe Enlightened One explains,
‘When there exists love for the other person, but there are no expectations, no attachment and no hatred in it, it is defined as pure love. You don’t see the other person’s faults. And if a person gives you respect, your love does not increase and if he insults you, your love does not decrease. Such is pure love!’
So it’s very much in our own interest to attain Self-Realization at the earliest! And it’s fairly easy!rnThrough Akram Vignan, in just a 2-hour ceremony, we receive Self-Realization (Gnan Vidhi) with the direct grace of the Living Gnani, after which we gain the awareness of really ‘who am I?’, and we also get the right understanding of ‘who is the real doer’ that helps us remain happy in life, no matter what the circumstance may be! And like ‘I am pure Soul’, we realize that every living being in this world too is really a pure Soul. With this knowledge, when we see someone as a pure Soul, there remains no scope for anger or expectations, and hence no mental turbulence; there is total contentment and bliss!
To know more:
https://www.dadabhagwan.org/self-realization/