***Chocolate, tantrums and salvation

My inner child has run amok. She wants nothing to do with restriction, rules and can’t-have’s. She wants chocolate and French fries and a loaf of toast. She is acting out big-time. On the outside I still look like the grown-up I am, doing my daily adult thing, but on the inside, particularly late at night, my inner kid commandeers my control center and all hell breaks loose when it comes to crunchy, salty, sweet, chewy and the general yum. The New Year’s healthy food plan has been beaten into smithereens and, consequently, my waistbands are getting tighter by the week. Arrgh! I hate this. And, good God, it’s embarrassing to admit, especially at my ripe old age, not to mention given my professional wherewithal, that my kid part is still having tantrums, which are manifested as wanting food, glorious food. (A moment here for song and a deep breath as I continue ….) This, alas, is not a new concern. It has been a life-long issue that has been addressed in a thousand ways. But why has this well-worn, over-analyzed, all-too-familiar pattern stopped me in my tracks now? I think they are several reasons. First, I am going to refer to Carl Jung’s statement that every issue over the age of 40 is a spiritual one. That makes sense to me. My consciousness has certainly changed over the years. I see things differently. I am not the same person and yet, my inner kid, when threatened, seems to remain frozen in time(s) when food equaled comfort and security. And if we listen to the wisdom of Kathleen DesMaisons, Ph.D., (www.radiantrecovery.com) biologically, given my background, I am a sugar sensitive, which, in essence, means my brain can go cuckoo on too much of the white stuff and my neurotransmitters can careen backwards and forwards leaving my emotional state, alte ately, peaked and flat-lined. Clearly, not a pretty picture. However, neurotransmitters notwithstanding, there is more here. For many of us lightworker-types, the incoming energies have demanded more density to ground these potent forces and now we are called to lighten up in all possible ways. Yet, this can be hard as old cellular memories (Can you say past lives?) take a stranglehold to make sure there is more than enough abundance. It’s akin to what I call the paradox of dieting. You say you want to lose weight, but a part of you, usually the inner child who is fearful, holds on for all she’s worth and refuses to let go of the weight (or wait) and you end up gaining a few pounds in the process. Now, back to Carl Jung, what is the spiritual issue? I think when our Inner Kid is having a free-for-all it is fairly evident that there are a few things happening. For example, we have lost connection with our reflective self, our interior being. We are unhappy with our physical selves, and like Elvis leaving the building, we have left our bodies and hunkered down in our heads where our thoughts spin 1000 m.p.h. and we get exhausted and depleted by the mental gyration. Where is the divine feminine and her intuitive, nurturing ways? I am fairly certain that she is not at the drive-through; she is waiting patiently for us to slow down enough to notice that she is quietly sitting in the wing chair in the corner of our being. In other words, she has been there all along, but, for me, kind of hard to find when I am in a sugar rush. And I also believe that everything, and I am mean every little ol’ thing, is a lesson. Yes, I am that type who sees it all as opportunities before me – occasions to learn and stretch and grown. And this current mad-dash away from the power of my intuitive self -- and the enormous disconnect from both self and Self -- that leaves me spinning speaks to some very old fears and cellular memories. Oh joy ….. However, that said, I want to course correct. This current state of unease and out-of-control feelings is uncomfortable, to say the least. I feel like I am in a deep skid down a sheer mountain cliff and there are no working brakes. So, what do I do? Hog-tie my Inner Kid until I get a grip? If only … but I know that doesn’t work; she can be very devious. And most likely if I go that route, I have created a set-up for another set-to. I think there is another way. Jung also told us that acceptance is the first step in creating change. If we don’t accept what is, we cannot change that which we want to change. This makes sense, and this acceptance further requires that all the metaphorical whips, chains and other tools of self-torture are shelved. So, my next step is to accept – with compassion – that I have a problem with my Inner Kid who is playing out some very old, growing-more-conscious-by-the-minute survival strategies. And if I accept, it follows that I am being more mindful, conscious and aware. And if I am mindful and aware, I can practice, practice, practice maintaining my connection with Source, which will give me peace. And peace will lead to less chaos in my inner sanctums and my Inner Kid could well settle down her for much-needed nap. That’s the plan. It has required more focus and energy than I had envisioned but the more I ground myself in my connection with the divine, the more sanity I have. Who knew? Carl Jung, you were right. This is a spiritual problem.