Focusing on Being Present ...

We have discovered that one of the most important things you can do to create a great relationship is to be fully present with your partner. nnTo illustrate what we mean by "being present" we want to share part of a conversation Otto had with a business associate recently. nnnThe person Otto was talking with referred to himself as a "social dancer" who had just spent the weekend at a dancing event. nnAs a result of this conversation, Otto who doesn't enjoy dancing, has gained a totally new perspective and appreciation of dancing. nnThis man described dancing as an interaction and relationship with the person you are dancing with for the three or five minutes that the music is playing. He said that most people get hung up worrying about how they look, if they're doing the right steps or keeping in time with the music. For him, dancing was more about the care of and the connection with the other person during the dance that's important. nnWe thought that was just a great attitude, not only about dancing, but about creating a close, connected relationship. We've found that when we focus on our connection and being present with each other that we do feel the closeness that we both want. nnWhen we are absorbed in the daily nitty, gritty details of life and don't stop to simply look into each other's eyes and notice how we are feeling inside ourselves and how the other is feeling, there is disconnection and distance between us. nnBeing present to us means focusing on what's happening in the present moment with yourself and between you and your partner and not allowing your mind to wander to the past or nthe future. nnThis is important because it gives respect to the other person and makes them and the relationship a priority. nnSo, if you find yourself being physically with someone but concentrating on something other than what's going on in the present moment --stop yourself and reach back to recreate the connection with that person. Look in the other person's eyes, speak from your heart and listen, truly listen, to what he or she is saying. nnBy doing this, you will build a deeper, closer connection with the people in your life. n