Comforting Someone Dealing With Anticipatory Grief

Dealing with anticipatory grief is tough to deal with, may it be after death or before, it is acceptable that there’s no topic more difficult to deal with than grieving. And this is where the beauty of friendship comes. More than sharing all those happy and fun times, all those sharing secrets and stories, the true test of friendship can arise during those difficult times when we cope with grief, particularly with anticipatory grief. Of course, we all want to help and be there for our friends and buddies when and if that time happens. But where to start and how do we go about it? Preparation is very helpful here. If ever you’ve had grieving experiences before, imagine how you felt at that time. You can actually become familiar with the grieving process, and that also includes anticipatory grief. And while we’re into it, you can make an effort with these tried and tested tips. 1. First and foremost, be a good listener to your friend. The mere act of listening to a person dealing with anticipatory grief will help someone feel lighter, release their pained emotions, and will aid them in talking about their loss. Asking questions to an anguished friend will bring to mind the memory of his/her dying loved one. 2. Be there for your friend—be accessible. Since your friend is stressed and lonely, you can always try to be there for her/him. You can say, “I’ll always be here if ever you need me”, “I’m just a text or phone call away”, “You can call me anytime”, or “I’ll be happy to be your designated driver this week”. You know, little things like those can be a big help for someone coping with anticipatory grief. 3. Be decisive—ask your loved ones how you could help them. Sometimes a person can be so drowned in their own sorrow and distress that they don’t know what they need. You may step in and be a shoulder to cry on. 4. Patience is a virtue, so use it-- accept that your pal might take a long time to come into terms with normalcy and reality and the imminent loss. And this is where you must put your patience to the test. Anticipate but willingly accept to hear stories being rehashed over again and over again, but that’s okay. Just bear in mind and be grateful that she chose you as his/her sounding board and he/she trusts you that much. 5. Be helpful and sensible-- also, try offering to assist in some daily tasks. Some daily or mundane tasks like buying dog food, making phone calls, babysitting kids, preparing meals, grocery shopping or driving the kids home can be a great deal of help and support for the individual mourning or experiencing anticipatory grief. Especially during this time, a person’s appetite diminishes—so it’s very helpful if you prepare meal food in advance. Also, be honest to tell them if they need professional help if extremely depressed. Bereavement counselors, therapy sessions and support groups can offer very effective advice.