COMMITMENT ~ The reasons why couples commit and how you can get there too.

Today's world is filled with hookups, casual encounters, and fast and furious flings.

Summer romances and brief passion may be exciting to read about in romance novels, but living it may be a short-lived thrill that ultimately disappoints you, especially if you want something "more."
Whether you are single, divorced, widowed or in a relationship where you are searching for a deeper commitment or bonding, read on.....

There are many couples who choose to "tie the knot" or at the very least commit to a life partnership. There are also many couples who are genuinely happy and committed in their unions.

How do these couples get to this place that others only wish or dream of?

After a great deal of research on the topic and working with many clients, there are a few common threads that seem to weave together the tapestry amongst couples that commit to each other.

So if you are ready to be in a committed relationship or want more of an emotional commitment with the partner you have, here are some pearls of wisdom:
COUPLES COMMIT TO THE RELATIONSHIP FIRST.

It is not just about you and your partner but really boils down to the both of you committing to a relationship that is worth putting effort into. Not that your well-being doesn't count, but the relationship is the priority.

COUPLES WHO COMMIT MAKE HAPPINESS AND SUPPORT A PRIORITY.

It doesn't mean there won't be disappointments or disagreements. That is normal. But, the majority of the time seems to be filled with passion and understanding. A safe yet exciting environment that finds the right balance is key.

COUPLES WHO COMMIT ARE COMFORTABLE IN THEIR OWN SKIN AND THEIR WORLD.

They are not looking for their partner or others to define who they are. They may not have perfect self-esteem. Who does? But they have enough self-esteem to be a whole person and will commit to another whole person. We tend to be better people when we love and nurture ourselves.

Remember: Don't get caught up in the 50/50 hype. Be a whole person and be with another whole person.

COUPLES WHO COMMIT HAVE EMOTIONAL AVAILABILITY AND EMPATHY.

These two ingredients are must-haves for commitment. They are able to "see" and "understand" the other as a unique, individual that they love. They seek compromise rather than drastic change. They seek peace over chaos. You are in their heart and head when they walk out the door. Sure you will get mad but you won't stay mad.

Finally, if you are searching for a committed relationship or want to deepen the commitment with someone you are with, remember that making a commitment is a CHOICE that should never be forced or manipulated. It should flow naturally. Perhaps not on your exact timetable but will be inevitable if you are the right partners for each other. Expect to be treated well but be mindful too. Being reasonable is an important component to a healthy, viable relationship.

Sure we have heard of the stories where people play lots of games to get a commitment. Yes, that may work in the short-term. If you decide to take that route, keep in mind that research shows that many of those unions end in divorce court or the target of betrayal and affairs. Be with a partner who wants to be with you.

Remember:

~Know and respect each other's needs and boundaries.
~Communicate and keep it spicy and sexy. ~Plan a date night. Close the world out for awhile and incorporate your own private sanctuary.
~ Make your voice heard but be sure to incorporate listening. ~Bring out your best selves.

If you are finding that it is a constant challenge to get the commitment or deeper bonding you want and need, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.

Be sure to read my other relationship articles here on Selfgrowth.com