Conflicts Over Money Don’t Need to Lead to Divorce

I have been searching the web to see what counselors, financial people and divorce mediators are saying about the link between money fights and subsequent divorce. Money problems certainly rank at the top of the list for causes of marital discord. There is also research showing that increased money fights may predict the likelihood of divorce. To those of us involved in counseling, finances and divorce this comes as no shock. In fact, anyone married or in a relationship would agree without question that differing views on spending or saving are apt to lead to conflict and argument, and potentially the demise of the relationship. With this so prevalent in society, the issue then becomes- who are the professionals that can help and what action items should be considered to minimize or eliminate this problem of conflict over money? Perhaps it takes a unique take on the underlying subjective issues related to money, as well as the concrete realities of a couple’s financial situation, to ameliorate the conflict and bring harmony. Because there are two layers to the problem, there needs to be a twofold approach to the resolution. A couple’s therapist and a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA)™ are two good professionals to see for help. The couple’s therapist is trained to see below the surface of the actual money conflict problem. People grow up with philosophical ideas about money. Their experience with money is formulated in childhood, and they develop a certain belief or story around finances: it can represent safety, control, security, and material satisfaction. Behaviors spending or saving- are developed and habits follow into adulthood. Adding a second party to a pool of needs, wants and limited supply creates a challenge to couples, especially when the beliefs and behaviors around money conflict. A couple’s therapist is trained to help you identify and communicate your underlying thoughts and feelings about money to one another so there can be understanding, compromise and teamwork around the financial situation. But once you know the whys behind your conflict, you need to decide on how to resolve it. A Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA)™ is trained to deal with the financial aspects of relationships. He or she can help identify your financial reality in real dollars and cents, create a realistic budget and/or develop a debt reduction strategy. With the CDFA, the behaviors are laid out in concrete results- how overspending in certain areas affects the bottom line or if there are different ways to save. In addition, a CDFA is able to create scenarios and projections of your cash flow, assets and liabilities and help you make smart decisions going forward (so you are fully educated if you opt for a divorce). Identifying your issues, seeking out competent help and keeping to an action plan are all good steps to help you handle this important issue of how you deal with money and will hopefully make your marriage more enjoyable.