Consistently Doing The Little Things Makes a Big Difference

When I was still in corporate life, there was a time when I was quite overwhelmed by the time and attention needed by the hundreds of people with whom I worked. I was having a very difficult time in my desire to respond to the multitude of competing needs by the organization and by employees hungry for coaching, development, continuous improvement, support and resources. A good friend told me a story he thought would help me in my struggle, and this small act made a big difference to me. He told me about a man walking along a beach at one of the world’s great oceans and seeing thousands of starfish, as far as he could see, washed up along the shore. He spotted one lone man as he got closer, throwing the starfish one by one back into the ocean. As he approached the man, he said “what possible difference can you make. You’ll never be able to throw all these starfish out into the sea. Why try?” The man smiled compassionately while still throwing the starfish out, and replied gently, “I just made a difference to that one.”

What I’ve grown to realize and accept over the years is this one simple fact. The more we know about people, the more likely we can help. But the real question is this: What does it take to know people? How about this for an answer: What I’ve learned from years of interaction and observation, is that it takes approximately 2000 hours to get to know anyone. To put this into perspective, let me illustrate it this way. Working 40 hours a week for 50 weeks, would be 2000 hours. Now the question, how likely is it that you will be able to devote 2000 hours in any given year to getting to know someone? In my opinion it is not likely, but should this be a goal of ours? In my world, while the number of 2000 certainly reflects one’s commitment to building the relationship, and I suggest that you start on this road, it’s also important that each and every one of us take the time to pause, and to pace ourselves on how we build our relationships.

How true it is when it comes to building solid relationships with others. Take a moment and think about rolling a pair of dice. If we asked you to roll one of the dice it would be called a die.

As you know, most die are numbered from 1 to 6 right? OK, now here’s the question.

If you roll the die 20 times in a row, and the die lands on the number 3, what are the odds that the next time you roll the die it will land on the number 3? Now don’t rush into it. Think for a moment.

Now most people that I mention this to say one of two things:

• The odds are not very likelyr
OR
• The odds are very likely

The reality is that in both cases the odds are the same. They are one in six.

With that said, what’s most interesting about this formula, is the magic number of 6.

Now, let us contrast rolling dice to increasing interaction. Increasing interaction brings increased cooperation with others.

From my own observations, and from self research, my theory is that if you can interact with someone at least six times, then you’ll end up having a 50/50 chance of either building an incredible relationship or not having a relationship at all.

While I’m open to having a relationship with others, it’s only through mutual consideration that a relationship is possible. If you consider that the interaction you had could lead into an incredible relationship with someone then it is so. It’s that simple.

So what is it I’m saying you ask? I’m saying that if you are interested in pursuing a relationship with another, make the attempt to interact at least six times from the time you first meet them.

By doing this, you’re in a position to continue to the lay the foundation toward building a wonderful relationship with another.

When all is said and done, just being there is never enough. Follow-up, increased interaction, and a sincere approach to the relationship is a winning combination.