Toward Compassion: Understanding Today's Pressures on a Father

We hear a lot about the Supermom Syndrome but rarely about our Superdads.

We place higher expectations on fathers in today's society than ever before.
Unlike previous generations, dads today are expected to take a proactive role in ncaring for the children physically as well as financially.

Gone are the days when a man arrives home from work, loosens his tie, slips off nhis shoes, and reclines in the Lazyboy with his newspaper, which he thumbs nthrough as he waits for his dinner to be served.

Today, many dads don't get that decompression time after a day at work. Some of nthe dads pick up their children from daycare on their way home. Others are nimmediately struck with the hassles of the day while they struggle to make the ninstant transition from professional to father.

As a stay-at-home mom, I would often wonder why my husband would sit in the car for a few moments after he pulled into the driveway. Until, that is, one day when my husband watched our one-year-old, and it was my turn to come home exhausted from a busy and hectic day. How I wished I had stayed in the car just long enough to take a few deep breaths.

Today's dads, much like many of today's moms, must juggle the guilt of not nspending enough time with the family with the guilt of not giving it their all nat work.

But women seem to have more support with their struggle. Magazine articles, nsupport groups, and websites warn moms of the risks of burning out and the nimportance of taking care of themselves. They dole out advice on balancing life nand relationships. Fathers don't often band together like moms do.

Even while men are expected to independently take on a more nurturing role, they nare slammed in the media. We watch television shows that too often portray nfathers as bumbling idiots, scared stiff of changing their own baby’s diaper and nincapable of anything other than watching a ball game and slugging beer. We sit nthrough news reports of deadbeat dads and women who have beaten the odds ndespite, not with the help of, the men in their lives.

As natural nurturers, women have long taken on the social stereotype of being nthe dominant parent. Sometimes--and I hate to admit that I'm guilty of this, ntoo--we may subconsciously sabotage their parenting efforts to make ourselves nfeel more important.

It's important for us to recognize that dads interact with children differently nthan we do. These techniques are neither better nor worse. Just different. Dads nmay tend to allow the child to reach a higher level of frustration than a mother nwould, which may be an important lesson in resilience.

The father serves an integral role in a child's life. Spending time with both nparents helps children develop an understanding of separation, transition, nautonomy, and gender roles.

Here's to all of the great dads out there, and all of the men who strive to be ngreat dads. Here's to my husband, who would make a better stay-at-home parent ntha
I. He is more patient and more experienced with children. He rarely gets nbored, even on the afternoon's eighth reading of Green Eggs and Ham.

I'm going downstairs to interrupt Dr. Seuss and to tell him how much I nappreciate the work he does. Maybe it's time we all spent just a few minutes nthinking about the pressures our husbands, and to applaud them for all the nthings they do.