Criticism: Make like a Duck

How do you handle criticism? Does it stab you in the heart and make you crazy or do you just let it roll off your back without giving it a second thought?

The most valuable approach might be to do a bit of both; to learn as much from it as we can and then, like water off a duck’s back, to let it go.

Firstly, we must understand that criticism is usually as much about the other person as it is about us, and that criticism is a valuable way of pinpointing the lessons we need to learn about ourselves and others.

Secondly, we must understand the role of emotion; it is designed to bring the issues to our attention – the bigger the emotion, the more ‘critical’ the issue, if you’ll pardon the pun – but too much emotion can also get in the way.

The best way to describe how this feels as it happens – because you need to identify it on the spot if you're ever going to address it – is as a cobra that rears up in you ready to strike. And the place this happens is around your solar plexus, in the middle of your chest, alongside your heart. In fact, you can almost feel yourself taking a deep breath to puff yourself up and push your chest out and shoulders back in response to criticism!

So, someone criticises you and you feel the cobra of emotion rearing up within you, ready to strike; what do you do?

Stop, take a deep breath, feel the emotion, let it subside, its job is done, it’s got your attention. If you have to say something, tell them they may have a point, you’ll give the matter some thought.

Then, look at what’s in play; is your strong reaction related to the person or the content? What is it about the person? Have you felt the same sting with the same person on a different matter? Is it specifically that person (spouse, father)? Or is it that type of person (authority figure, lover)? What is it about the content? Have you felt the same sting around the same content, but with another person? Where’s the pattern?

Sit with it, mull it around. Take to heart only what you can use. And even if there’s nothing you can identify now, resolve to keep an eye on the person or the issues they raised so you’re ready to identify a pattern next time.

Also resolve to be alert to the cobra and how it feels when it rears up. Then pat yourself on the back (that’s the human equivalent of flapping wildly and shaking your feathers like a duck) and let it go until it's time to do something about it.