Communication with Your Partner is Vital!

You’ve probably heard it before, but good communication is absolutely necessary for enduring and fostering any healthy and loving relationship.

I’d like to point out the word “good” in good communication.

Truth is, anyone can communicate. Anyone can tell, talk to, talk at, share with, raise their voice or scream at somebody. These are all examples of communication behaviors, but what makes communication good is whether it is effective.
So what is effective communication? This occurs when your listener hears and understands your message and you hear and understand your listeners’ message.

These three simple steps are wonderful tools you can use to experience effective communication:

1. Be very clear on what you are trying to communicate.
2. Have the suitable style of delivery for your particular listener.
3. Actively listen to the conversation.

First — be very clear on the exact message you desire to express.
For example, if you want to tell your spouse your feelings were hurt when they discussed your spending habits during last night’s dinner party, you would not start off by yelling, “You never say nice things about me!” Immediately attacking your partner with a generalized opinion can instantly put them on the defensive, cause a fight and shut down any potential for good communication to occur.

Remember, to engage in effective communication you want to encourage your partner to listen, not shut you out. Rather than an attack, share your feelings with out attacking. Such communication sounds something like, “Last night at the dinner party, I felt hurt and embarrassed by your comment about my spending habits.” By sharing your feelings, rather than making accusations, you are creating a productive environment for real communication to occur.

Second — have the suitable style of delivery for your particular partner.
Style of delivery simply means knowing that men and women are different. Men and women think differently, process information differently, and communicate differently. When sharing information, men usually like to get straight to the facts while women tend to want to talk through everything. Therefore, if you’re going to speak with your wife about something that is bothering you, be prepared to present it in such a way that encourages her to have time to talk it through and process her feelings with you. Alternately, if you’re going to discuss with your husband something that is upsetting you, be prepared to bottom line the message and understand he wants to get through the conversation as quickly as possible.

Third — be an active listener in the conversation.
As an active listener you are being present in the moment, focusing on your partner and truly listening to the message your partner is trying to communicate. Not being an active listener is when you focus your attention on planning your come back or clever response that will prove your point. Consequently, creating an environment of defensiveness instead of a space of trust and attention.

In the end, effective communication is simpler than it seems. As long as you are being clear about what you want to say, delivering your message in a suitable manner, and actively listening in the conversation, you will experience the benefits with a healthier, stronger, and happier relationship.