You (Don't) complete Me... Dispelling the Jerry McGuire Myth

How many of us felt the tension as Jerry McGuire and Dorothy Boyd, fresh from Jerry’s meltdown and Dorothy’s impulsive support, stood in that elevator as the couple beside them shared those romantic words, “You complete me”? Dorothy’s panic over what she had just ...How many of us felt the tension as Jerry McGuire and Dorothy Boyd, fresh from Jerry’s meltdown and Dorothy’s impulsive support, stood in that elevator as the couple beside them shared those romantic words, “You complete me”? Dorothy’s panic over what she had just done was momentarily usurped by the intimacy of that gesture and you could feel her longing for that in her own life. Fast forward to the end of the movie when Jerry rushes in to declare those very same words to her. Didn’t we all want someone to feel that way about us? I know I did.

I spent years of my life looking for someone to complete me, to complete him, to feel whole. On the way I attracted ‘halves’ who, like me, didn’t have a complete sense of who they were and that ‘half’ needed considerable fixing. I signed up for the job and failed miserably. For a divorced mom dating is tricky enough. I have plenty to do raising a man; I don’t need to fix one, too! After an especially messy breakup I needed to find a way to be whole on my own. What a concept.

With the help of a life coach, I started to discover the other half of me that I had thought existed only with someone else. The part that felt loved and secure. The part that moved through the world with confidence and grace, knowing that I could do, be and have whatever I wanted. After months of getting to know this other half of me, that was there all along, I thrived.

Through coaching I discovered where I sold myself short and how I depleted my internal resources until there was nothing left for me. I learned to take care of me first (an absurd concept for most moms) so that I had the energy and tools to take care of everyone else in my life that needs me.

We are all whole on our own. But women have been conditioned to believe that they need a man to feel complete and that everyone else comes first. We get married and focus our energy on pleasing our man, our kids, our family, our boss and everyone else but our selves. We rarely take the time to explore who we really are and to develop all the parts of us just waiting to grow and flourish. The irony is that in seeking exte
ally for that wholeness we are denying the very parts of us that will make us feel complete. Our unique talents and gifts get buried beneath others’ expectations of who we should be.

Take time for you. As you move through your day, be aware of where you put your energy and make sure some is spent on you. By doing so, you will find balance in your life. During this past year I went back to school and became a life coach, too. In my work with women seeking to thrive in their lives, I find there is a universal need for all of us to make it a conscious choice to be added to the To Do list. All the choices we make lead us to where we are in this moment. Making better, smarter ones can change our lives in amazing ways. Even small ones. Choose you.

I am not, by all means, suggesting that we leave men out of our lives! However, when we approach our partners as whole and complete individuals we can create an interdependence that brings incredible fulfillment to a strong, loving relationship. I recently met someone new who comes to me intact, not half a man seeking his other half, but as a true partner. I know that I attracted him because we draw to us those who can relate to where we are in our own emotional lives. He doesn’t complete me.

But he had me at hello.