Dating and Relationships: Art or Science?

Dating. Beautiful, challenging and complicated game. You want to be on top of it, right? You want to ride the wave, finish up the first and take the prize - the best partner out there! You want to be a winner at the mating game and live the life of sweet promises that the whole world conspired to intoxicate your mind since you were a kid.

Where are the happy endings, where is the funny-easy-playful way of getting the girl or the boy? Where is the promised land of ecstatic feelings, the passionate love making and godlike alchemy you are supposed to become when you are in love?

Well, they are all there but it seems that nobody told you that it takes both science and art to get you where you are supposed to be, according to your life scenario. The truth is that it can be as much fun, pleasure and a growing experience as it can be painful, humiliating and full of uncertainties.

The good news is that this game has some unchanging rules, established by biology, society, cultural norms. The bad news is that some of the rules are changing on an ongoing basis, depending on the personality treats that every one has them. Previous experiences will translates in engrams, fears, traumas or certain expectations that will burden the fragile entity that it is a fresh relationship.

Rarely a couple is formed only by 2 persons, usually your bed will be shared by at least 2 other people: your each other projections of the other one. And that makes it crowded and sweaty, from all the wrong reasons.

Therefor, each of you will have to learn the art of dating and the science of having a healthy relationship. Although you may grow up thinking that you know it all, sooner or later sufferance and failure will be the supreme masters that will get you back to school and make you take on a more technical approach.

And you shall have no fear: even if you apply some discipline to it, the romance and magic will still be there, this time with a solid base.

Answering some questions will help you see the light. e.g.
What do you want from a relationship?
What needs do you expect to be fulfilled by your partner?
Which are the personality types that really sparks your fire without burning you to the ground?
How much are you willing to compromise and which things you can't bargain with?

Answers and strategies don't come easy, of course, but anyway, who said that it should be easy?!

The truth is that dating and relationships can be so complicated that many times you'll feel like giving up. Then you'll be the blase that went through all of this, got in and got out since "nobody is really worth it" and the smart way is to show an olympian detachment to the teenagerish emotional games.

But you'll be back, humbled by loneliness, hungry for communion and impatient to dance the moves of love. Only this time you'll accept the ridiculous idea that a strong love relationship it doesn't just happened, it doesn't come naturally (yes, they lied to us), that it takes effort and time to build it, that is neither cheap nor easy but it will be worth all the prices.

The prescription for a beautiful relationship will challenge you to find the balance between what you give and what you get, to keep some self boundaries while you still let yourself become one with your partner, to be independent while still being co-dependent in a couple, to negotiate conflict in a playful manner, to learn the language of love of the other one and reconcile different rhythms, visions and life values, to marry ration with emotion.

Sounds like martian talking for many of you, but the beauty will come from going through the process itself which can be a lifelong trip and ritual of self-discovery.

Some of you may even find God through love, others will discover nuances of your personality you never knew you had and some relationships will make you be a better version of yourself in the end. Validation, empowering, self growth are only few of the signs of a good relationship.

Nevertheless, clouds and storms will be and some of them can be very challenging. Sometimes you may discover that you and your partner didn't followed the same ascendant trajectory and one took off while the other one didn't.

Even more, many people get together not because they wanted to share the beauty of themselves and life, but because they had complementary traumas and they fed each other problems. Even then, some of them may get cured and empowered by the relation itself and move on, while the other one remains stuck in old patterns.

Dilemmas can be at every step in the genesis of a relationship: maybe you'll have to chose between 2 possible partners, or you are unsure if the one you are with is the right one; if you should let go of a relationship or keep investing in it, overcoming lies and betrayals, forgiving or being faithful to your principles, all of this can appear at any point and shadow the beauty of a relationship.

Those are the moments when an objective and qualified opinion can bring insight and objectify situations that otherwise are complicated and may take a long time to get resolution. My promise is that my experience, not only with clients but both as a player of this game, entitles me to offer you the needed help in troubled times.

Online counseling can offer you the needed insight into the realm of relationships. My therapeutic approach can guide you to find the right partner for you or to solve the standing issues of your relationship.

Come find Sophie Rinaldi at www.therapy-counseling.net . Online counseling and therapy through live chat or email advice!