Dating At Work

The reason that some office romances lead to disaster is that the two people jumped into the relationship without doing some simple planning. By the time you finish this article, you’ll know what and what not to do should you be confronted with the possibility of an office romance.

First, let’s talk about the office as a place to meet men or women. Is it good or not? Well, that obviously depends on who you work with. But, let’s assume you work in a fairly well mixed office with some good prospects. I think it’s a great place to meet.

You’ll probably have lots of common interests. After all, you work for the same company and possibly at similar jobs. It can be a lot of fun working with your partner, as long as you do that early planning I was talking about.

Life can become easier for the two of you. You might be able to travel together. You might be able to help each other at the job. An office romance can give new life to your fellow employees. It can be fun to be the subject of gossip. Let’s assume that the two of you have gotten together and just can’t resist getting involved. What to do?

Simple. First and foremost, check into your office policy. Is there a clear-cut, written policy against office romances? If it’s not written, is it implied, or “discouraged”? What are the penalties? Are you willing to suffer the consequences, if there are any? What happens if you get married? Is there a company policy against married people working together? Is this romance worth the policy problems you may have?

Answer these honestly. In the heat of a blooming romance, it’s easy to look at these potential problems as nothing to be concerned about. Later on, though, you may be faced with the jolting truth.

I know, when you took this job and agreed to the “no office romance” policy, you had no intention of hooking up with someone. You met all the employees and saw absolutely no prospects.

You didn’t count on new employees. Then in she walked or there he was. OK, you’ve resolved the company policy problem. Now what?

Ask yourself what could be the toughest question, why do you want to date this person? Is it real from the heart romance or is it something else? Do you stand to benefit on your job by getting involved in this relationship? You do? My friend, you’re on very thin ice. If you stand to benefit, that means you also stand to lose. Guess which one will probably become the reality. Right!

Getting involved with a boss or other influential person is risky for a variety of reasons. Your fellow employees will always think the worst. They may very well become jealous. Your romantic partner may take a lot of unwanted heat. That may cool things a whole lot sooner than you expected. Peer pressure can be tremendous.

Are you getting involved in this romance mainly to benefit your job? You’re nuts, I have nothing else to say about that. It’s for real, you say. It’s from your heart. The way you feel now, it would be fine if you both were fired and lived in a box. You’ve got it bad, my friend but keep your wits about you.

Be sure you tell each other why you want to get involved in this romance. I’m not looking for problems here. I just don’t want bad news to pop up later. It’s much better to be clear now than to try to unravel things later.

So far, so good. You’ve checked company policy and can deal with it. You’re in agreement as to why you each want to be in the relationship. Now, on to another tough question.

Would your career suffer if your relationship came to an end? Think about this. What connections do you two have at work that would have to continue after you split up? Do you work closely together? That’s the toughest situation to deal with.

Would you simply have to see each other in the cafeteria? That’s much easier.

How about that whole stretch in between? Will your judgment be clouded by a past romantic history? Is it possible that you could use your position to affect your former partner? Is that even a remote possibility?

If you answered “no chance” to that last question…you’re a better person tha
I am. I think I’m a very fair, understanding person. But toss in the element of a failed romance and the average mind doesn’t think as clearly.

Could your bad or perhaps spiteful decisions affect your future with your company? Is it worth it? It is? OK, let’s continue.

You’ve passed the basic tests of whether or not the relationship should start. You’ve agreed that it should. How do you handle yourselves now?

Remember, you’re living in a fishbowl when you’re at the office. People are always watching each other. Add the element of a romance and people will have renewed vigour in how they look at you, individually and together.

How do you deal with that? Be discreet. Don’t get caught kissing in the closet or in your office with the door closed. Don’t hold hands in meetings. Don’t play footsie when the president of the company is describing the new marketing efforts. You’re getting paid to do a job, not foster a romance.

Far too many people forget that last sentence. Statements like “They should be happy for us” or “They’re so stuffy” or “We’re in love, they should understand” or “I’ve given this company 9 years, I deserve this office romance” are totally out of place. You’re paid to do a job, not foster a romance, office romances are not part of any company’s benefit package.

Discretion will go a long way in smoothing the path of your office romance.

Be sure to avoid any public display of affection like the plague. I touched on this earlier, but let me make myself very clear. No kissing, no hand holding, no caressing, nothing. You may think it’s cute. You may even think your fellow employees will find it cute. Trust me.., they won’t.

If you want to come in early and leave a flower in a little bud vase on your partner’s desk, fine. But, if you received the flower, a smile will have to suffice as a thank you while you’re in the office. Save the more demonstrative thanks for off hours.

Employees seeing an office romance taking place can go through a whole range of feelings, some you may never have anticipated, like jealousy.

One of the influential people in your office may be in a lousy relationship or none at all. This person isn’t very thrilled seeing you and your partner hugging and “ on company time “. You can be sure that trouble is on its way.

What happens if you’re dating someone that has dated another employee? Now we could be getting into a mess. Your public display of affection could trigger some very uncomfortable feelings in the “ex” Again, more trouble is waiting for you.

Then, there are those people who just don’t want anyone to be happy. Miserable souls they are. But, they could put some bumps in your road. Be prepared.

You also should be prepared for office gossip regardless of how careful you are. Lots of people, by nature, are gossips. Office romances are wonderful grist for the gossip mill. Lots of the gossip, maybe most of it won’t be true. How will that sit with you? Are you going to fight it as it comes up? Are you going to ignore it? Will it come between the two of you? Will it make you jealous? Will it sow the seeds of disaster?

Above all, if you decide to get involved in an office romance, be honest. You’ll be amazed at how little you can hide in your office. Remember, your partner probably has lots of friends in the same office. That could be dozens of eyes and ears focused on you. And each of those friends have friends outside of the workplace as well as inside. Bad news spreads very quickly. So, if a friend of a friend of your partner sees you out with someone else…you can bet that word will get back. Not only will your relationship suffer, but your fellow employees will look upon you as something less than an angel. When it comes time for your superiors to choose someone they trust, it won’t be you.

If you see things are winding down in the relationship, confront it early. One of the last things you want is to have your partner leaning on the shoulders of other employees. Those shoulders will bear the burden for a short time. Then they’ll collapse. The crash could happen on you.

Are you willing to put up with everything you’ve read about here? Yes? Honestly? Good for you. Your office romance could become one of the best you’ve ever experienced.

So many people are afraid of starting a relationship at work. They’re passing up some very good opportunities.

If you have even the slightest doubt about your willingness or ability to deal with the problems I’ve presented here, forget the whole thing. It just won’t work.

But with some careful planning and some rules that must be followed by both of you, you could be in heaven!