Dealing With Heartbreak - Some Time-tested Methods

You can't believe she dumped you - and took with her your reason for living. Unhappy and disillusioned, you can't seem to find anything to focus on, to give yourself direction. You likely can't think of any feeling worse than what you're going through now, but as time goes by, that feeling will dissipate. To make it dissipate faster, acknowledge this one important fact: there's much more to life than a relationship with a woman - even the one who just walked out on you. So get up and out of the rut you're in - she may have put you there, but you're the one keeping yourself there. Get out, get re-involved in living, and remember - when it comes to getting back into the game, there are plenty of good fish in the sea!

The primary goal now is to get her completely out of your mind. The way to do this, paradoxically, is to let the mourning process take its course. Feel the pain and suffer the loss of your loving relationship - it's natural and strengthens you to get back on your feet and return to the world. After a couple of days or so, it's time to start fresh. First off, go through your place and remove everything - EVERYTHING - that belongs to her or reminds you of her, Pictures, clothing, toothbrushes - everything must be packed away. Photos of her alone must go (others you can keep, but don't display them for now). Pack everything neatly in a box and send it to her - this will help convince your subconscious that it's really over, that she's not coming by just because her things are there. Like any other job, this thing has an end - so wind it up, get the carton mailed, and get yourself ready to go out and take on the world again!

Think positive. Don't consider yourself to have been ditched, consider yourself to have found yourself with a lot of free time, free time you can devote to pursuing some of the activities that always seemed to get put off when she was around. Get involved in a hobby you've been curious about, read books you've been meaning to get to, join a gym and work out. Don't look for a woman to get involved with - use this time for yourself. One critical point - zoning out in front of the television isn't going to do you any good, so turn the tube off and ignore it.

Remember that you don't simply want to get your mind off your ex, you want to get your mind back on life. Get outdoors - your relationship took place largely inside those four walls, so you should be spending more of your time out of it. Take walks in local parks - it's good for your health. Visit museums and other attractions and actually pay attention to the presentations - not only will you learn, you may find inspiration for other pursuits. Don't restrict yourself just to non-physical activities - make sure there's a good mix of physical activities as well. This will help you stay (or get) in shape, as well as give you an outlet for the frustrations that will from time to time build up inside you.

Changing your surroundings is good, even if you only do it on day-trips or weekend getaways. Don't seek destinations for their romantic ambience or the opportunities to meet women, select them for the local attractions. Avoid taverns and partying, although real social drinking - that is, drinking in moderation - is acceptable, but avoid at all costs the urge to overdo it. Getting drunk will only lead you down the path to self-pity, depression and despair. Don't get emotionally involved with another woman for a while - there's still grief that has to be dissipated from your old relationship, and you really want that grief all gone before you embark on a new relationship. If you can afford the time and money, take a vacation, a real one, the kind where you're gone for at least a week. This can give you a new lease on life and let you return relaxed and refreshed.

There's an old saying: "One nail doesn't drive out another nail." In this context, it means that you can't replace your lost love, and you can't replace the broken relationship and make it somehow work. All you can do is mend, and when the time is right, meet a new woman (not a replacement woman) and start a new relationship (not a replacement relationship). You'll know when the time is right to get involved with a new woman - there'll be no sense of pressure, no urgency or anxiety about meeting a new woman, just the intriguing possibility of a nice time with an interesting woman. Enjoy it then and go forward, never looking back.