Dear Dr. Romance: He hasn't told his Mum

Dear Dr. Romance:

I am having a little issue which I'd like some advice on; Firstly my partner had liked me for a few years before asking me out. We have been together for almost a year, yet he hasn't told his Mum that we are in a serious relationship. I have approached the subject but he doesn't see why he should have to. She often comes down and does the household chores for him whereby I have suggested it may be a good idea to let her know I generally do all of that instead of it being done twice (for instance the laundry; the clean stuff is washed again)! My partner is very reserved within himself and I accept this and I'm very supportive towards him. We get on so well and never really have any problems we always work through stuff together.

I'm understand he doesn't want to hurt his mum's feelings but he seems to have no problem hurting mine.

Secondary whenever I tell him I love him I get no response back or a simple hmmmm, I know he loves me very much but it's not the point.

Dr. Romance replies:

I think you're doing way too much for this man, if he hasn't made a commitment. (Telling his Mum would be making a commitment) Stop doing his laundry and the cleaning up. Let his Mum do it until her tells her not to.

You're right, it shouldn't be done twice, so don't do it. Let her do it. If you're not his committed relationship, and his Mum is instead, then don't let him treat you like one.

Put this relationship back on a courtship basis. Don't see him without an invitation, and don't cook for him unless he takes you out. Use the "quot;tennis match" approach: that is, make sure he makes a move before you make one. Be nice, be polite and stop nagging him! Just back off a little, and give him a chance to realize he wants you. If he asks you why you're doing things differently, just say that as long as he doesn't tell his Mum, you don't think you two are in a serious relationship. "Guidelines for Successful Dating" will help you find the confidence to look for a better relationship, and "No Cooperation? Solve it Yourself!" will help you understand how to claim power in your relationship.

How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free will give you a model of a cooperative relationship and teach you the skills you need to achieve it.

For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com