Divinely Inspired

Life for me has always been a struggle as an independent filmmaker. I totally bought into the idea that I was a down and out filmmaker and I lived it to the fullest. Is there anyone reading this that has bought into the "Race Consciousness" within the industry that tells you life as a filmmaker is nothing but a struggle? I did! To me life was always a struggle, where one project after another would end in failure.

First it was the conscious film festival that I was creating during the dot com generation. While creating the festival I totally put my life on hold because I thought that I could make a difference in the world. Then my hard drive crashed and I lost two years of work along with my "life" that was so tied up in this venture. I was not going to be defeated and I got another computer, this time with a 120 gigabyte back-up drive and proceeded to re-create my film festival only this time with the newest technology by Macromedia.

I spent many, many weeks learning to use Flash, Dreamweaver and other web designing programs. Again I put my life on hold to pursue my dream thinking this is it! This is going to bring me success and abundance in my life even though everything else was missing. I felt empty inside and yet I couldn't let go of the belief that my life would be meaningless without it. I pushed ahead for another year re-creating the festival. Yes, I pushed ahead during a divorce, then a romance break-up and even through the dot-com crash.

I continued to work on the festival site day and night. I was miserable yet, I couldn't let go because at that point it became who I was and letting it go would be like ending my life. During this time, I Shot a number of films that ended up on the shelf, wrote some screenplays that never sold, and attempted to create a video production company on the internet. I became defined by my work and nothing was going to change that. Does this sound familiar to any of you?

Finally one day after many years of trying to make my mark in the industry, I woke up feeling depressed and discouraged. I vowed that I would not get out of bed until God tells me what to do with my life. Well I ended up staying in bed all day, praying and meditating, trying to petitio
God to make something happen with my life. I kept getting the word to let go of everything that I was trying to create in my life, even the film festival but I just couldn't do it.

I finally fell asleep and then the miracle happened. I woke up at about three o'clock in the morning with this strange idea that my life was a movie created by an Infinite Filmmaker. I started to imagine what my life would look like if the Infinite Filmmaker, who is unlimited in Its ability to create, were directing my movie called "Life". I thought of the infinite prop-house from which the director could create the material possessions in my life. I envisioned an infinite screenplay that was the basis for creating a perfect life, free of the pain and suffering that I was experiencing at that time. I could see that the only villain in my movie was myself and that I could eliminate all of the negativity in my life by getting control of my mind.

I must have written about 30 pages that night and had no idea what I was going to do with it. Then a series of events took place that I believe were Divinely guided. A friend suggested that I go to the Agape Revelation Conference and because I couldn't afford it I should call about volunteering.

I left a message at Agape that I was interested in volunteering and the person who answered the phone said that they had all the volunteers they needed for the conference. Then, on the day of the conference one of the ministers left a message that they found my name on a piece of paper on her desk and that they needed help at the conference and if I was interested to just show up that day and ask for the coordinator. To make a long story short, I attended the conference and while there received a free gift certificate to the Millionaire Mind Intensive workshop by T. Harv Eker one of the top motivational speakers in the country. I was very skeptical about this two thousand dollar workshop that was being given away for free and I didn't plan on attending. Then the same friend that suggested that I attend the conference called me and asked if I wanted to go to the intensive workshop with her.

I attended the workshop and as I watched T. Harv Eker's powerful method of teaching the audience I knew that this had something to do with the the Infinite Filmmaker material that I was writing. Then at the end of the workshop they were offering a course called Train The Trainer, for people who wanted to do what Mr. Eker was doing and I knew I just had to sign up for the course. It was $3,000 and I went back and forth over whether I could afford it or not. I was in total anxiety over the money and looking back I should have trusted in Spirit, because they agreed to let me pay $300 a month for the next year, which I did. It ended up that during the year I volunteered for some classes and received $600 in coupons which I applied to my tuition. The real miracle comes in when the sales manager who I met at the classes, offered to pay me $1500 to edit a promo video for Mr. Eker's new book. "Good or Good" as T. Harv Eker would say!

It ended up costing me $900 for the course. I later went on to take the Train The Trainer II class and am now a certified trainer, trained by one of the greatest teachers and coaches in the country. I am now teaching this class based on the book that I started to write on that morning when I let go of how I thought my life should unfold and opened up to God's plan for my life.

I believe that when we step out of our own way and allow Spirit to guide us to our true calling in life all the struggle and pain that we are facing will just fade away into the nothingness from where it came.