Divorce

In today’s society divorce is prevalent. Either you’ve gone through a divorce, been a product of divorced parents, or you know someone that has gone through a divorce.

In the divorce environment a child can feel the hurt and pain as they watch the power struggle take shape. Sometimes as parents, we can lose sight of the child/children that’s stuck in the middle.

It is very hard to take a parent in the middle of a bitter divorce and ask them to fast forward their children’s lives by ten years, then twenty years, and so on.

By doing this the parent will realize the hurtful words and the biased opinions of their once loving spouse are starting to creep in their child’s minds and play a part in their memories. The arguments pertaining to child support, visitation, education, etc is NOT in a child’s best interest.

A child will adjust and learn so much when they see their parents discussing these important issues. You might not agree with each other but the fact that the children see them talking to each other as mature adults sends such a positive message to them.

Now let’s talk about the frivolous details that produce so much drama. There’s the lateness in picking up or dropping off the child/children, then there’s their bedtime schedule, their homework, and of course; the profound new boyfriend/girlfriend being around your child.

It is time to draw back the claws and recess the fangs. People constantly change. The person you are looking at, and once loved, is not going to be the same person 20 years from now.

What you are forming is the standards in communication for the next 20 to 30 years between your ex and your child. So you have to ask yourself if I was not alive anymore and my ex had to raise the children, would they genuinely love them. Now with that in mind, go easier on the small inconveniences that are associated with a divorce. No holding the child/children over your ex’s head. No stopping visitation, if the shoe was on the other foot, you wouldn’t like that happening to you!

Life is about the bigger moments, so don’t get upset if they’re not back on time. They’re probably just having fun, and time flies when you’re having fun.

When your ex starts dating; you have to throw any jealousy out the window. People are all different; they will not do things the same way you do. I’m sure the child/children notice this as well. The more people that loves a child can only help make that child secure in this ever changing world.

What ever you do, don’t ever stop a parent from seeing or getting to know their own child. That child is not a pawn to use in your own personal war with your ex. If you felt things were unfair or unjust in your marriage, it is not your child’s fault. And if you stop the parent from seeing that child, you are causing the child to suffer for something that they had nothing to do with. Can you imagine the anger of a child that had turned into an adult who was denied access to their own mother or father?

Explain the reasons for the divorce to the child so they know whole-heartedly that the divorce was not their fault. Love and hugs go a long way! There will be graduations, weddings, births and even funerals that you will experience with your child/children. But you need to realize now that your ex mate will be a large part of the future events as well. So communicate your love for you child/children and make sure that you have also given your ex that same right to love that child. When a child looks back their not going to remember that they were an hour late from returning home with their mom or dad, they will be remembering the things they did.

Remember, the way you handle your situations is being mocked by the child that you are trying to protect. So when you say, in their best interest, look at what you’re doing, and then say it.