Divorce Steps and the Emotional Component

Divorce is a very emotional process for every couple no matter how bad the marriage may be or how long the discord has been showing its ugly face. Of course, there are exceptions: if adultery is involved it might very well be that the emotional component is the first of the divorce steps to intertwine with the filing of the divorce. In most other cases the situation leading to the final divorce steps has been going on for quite some time. It is often the result of one of the parties attempting to hold things together for the children until things get so bad that both are miserable. rnOne thing to keep in mind is not to let the emotional feelings interfere with the divorce steps. In other words do not use your divorce lawyer as a therapist—he or she is charging you by the hour and that includes time you spend crying or complaining about the way your spouse treated you. Keep your consultations with the lawyer on a professional level and only provide information that is necessary for the handling of your divorce. While it is normal to feel an emotional attachment even when you know your marriage is over, you need to find the right outlet for those emotions: do not include them as part of the divorce steps and prevent your lawyer from properly representing you in court.rnAllowing your emotions to play too substantial a role in the divorce steps can cause a great many problems and substantial delays. When you allow your emotions to get out of control any number of things can happen. • Willingness to accept a lower settlement than the one to which you are entitledrn• Attempts to delay filing for divorce hoping things will get better—this is in spite of the realization of knowing you have tried your bestrn• Trying to delay the process as long as possible in order to avoid the inevitable "divorced" tagrn• Waiting until the last minute to find somewhere to go because you are emotionally attached to your marital homern• Being too emotional withdrawn to explain to the children what is going on and reassure them it is not their faultrn• Unrealistic expectations such as the belief your spouse will continue to support you so you can retain your role as a stay-at-home momrnWhile there is nothing wrong with the emotional aspect of your divorce steps, you do not want it to overwhelm you to the point you are too emotionally detached to have the ability to make rational decisions about your future. You want to avoid holding on to the hope that things will get better and move forward—allow yourself to help your lawyer make decisions that are in your best interests rather than attempting to delay making a decision. In other words, do not allow yourself to become a victim by being the kind of person that sees the lawyer, pays him or her to process the divorce application but never goes through with filing the divorce.