Do People Enjoy You?

What is the experience you provide for others? Consider how your presence and behavior impacts your employees, your colleagues, your boss, your children, your parents, your spouse.

The experience people have when they are with you, when they enter your department or have dealings with your department, will create memories and have lasting impact.

“People may not remember what you say, but they remember how they feel when they are with you.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

What about the experience you have with others? Do you tend to rush though the interaction? Do you focus on task with the intent of being perfect and providing them just what they need that you forget to care about the human being in front of you?

“Experience” is the essence of our relationships and our interactions.

With each interaction or conversation you have, there is an experience. This experience is impacted by your attitude, behavior, mood, energy level and communication as well as the other person’s attitude, behavior, mood, energy level and communication.

While you have no control over the other person, you control YOU – what you do, what you say and how you feel. And that will have an impact on the other person.

Over time, you create an environment and people learn what they can expect when they enter your presence. This informs them of how to approach you. You teach others how to treat you and how they should respond to you by how you behave.

As a leader, it is important that you create the kind of environment where people feel comfortable, do their best work, and produce at their highest level. Your job, as a leader, is to provide a space where people can thrive. One way you do that is to eliminate obstacles. You certainly don’t want to be one of the obstacles hindering their productivity!

There are several things you can do to ensure you are creating a positive, memorable experience for others when they are with you:

1) Identify how you want others to feel when they are with you.
Choose three or four adjectives you want people to be able to tell others if they were describing their interactions with you.

2) Define the qualities or characteristics you need to have in order to create this experience for others.
What are the three or four things you will need to be and do in order for people to feel the way you want them to?

3) Live these qualities in every way every day.

Knowing the qualities you want to emulate and develop will guide your behavior and, over time, you will create that experience and people will describe you in the way you desire. (This means, you’ll want to pay attention to feedback.) It takes time and consistency but it is possible to change or improve your leadership style.

As for the experience YOU wish to have with others, use a similar process as above.

1) In each area of your life – work, home, with extended family, neighbors, etc – identify how you want to feel when you are in that environment or relationship.
How do YOU want to feel in this relationship? You are responsible for your emotions. Start conjuring up the emotional state as you interact in that area of your life.

2) What are the qualities and characteristics YOU need to have in order to create this experience for yourself?

3) Live and develop these qualities in every way, every day, with every interaction.

Recognize that the power to create the experience you desire rests with you – YOU have to live the qualities you have identified as important. YOU have access to your emotional state – no one else controls your emotions!

“Become the change you wish to see in the world.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

So for example, you are tired of being angry with your parent(s). You decide what you want is to enjoy them. This means that when they trigger your emotional buttons, you stop. The dynamic is a habit and, if it is to change, you must break the chain reaction. It starts with you.

You don’t react the way you always do – becoming defensive, angry, or argumentative. But rather you choose a new response. You listen. You empathize. You care about them – what is this behavior about for them? Perhaps you ask a question or two. Perhaps you simply change the subject or ask directly for what you need from them at this moment.

Over time, the dynamic will change and you will create a new experience. It takes time but it’s worth it so that you enjoy each others’ company and get what you want from the relationship rather than putting up with old, bad habits that do not serve anyone.

Considering what experience you want to have and the experience you want other people to enjoy with you allows you to be intentional about your interactions. It puts you in charge of creating the reality you want to experience and allows you to enjoy your relationships in a new way.