Don’t Let Your Children Inherit Your Fears

Becoming a parent doesn’t immediately wipe away all the fears that you’ve accumulated during your lifetime. If anything, parenthood can be the cause of several new fears and magnify others -- even some you might think you’ve gotten over.

It’s good to recognize that having a little fear is perfectly normal. As long as your fears aren’t debilitating, they aren’t something you should be overly conce
ed about.

If a fear is so intense that it interferes with you daily life, you may want to consider working through it by consulting with a specialist, but what about minor fears?

Or fears that you just don’t want your children to inherit? How do you help your children grow up to be fearless? Or at the very least, be free from the burden of irrational fears?

There’s often a rational basis for any irrational fear. Some people even claim that they have a “healthy fear” of something like snakes, for example.

While it might be wise to exercise caution around snakes, the truth is that most snakes are harmless to humans. In the case of this fear, it might be a matter of education. Maybe learning how to identify the types of snakes that are harmful and what would cause them to bite could be beneficial so you could adopt an appropriate behavior to minimize your chances of encountering any snakes.

You might also have a fear because of an experience you had earlier in life. If you swallowed a lot of water while in a swimming pool or got caught in a strong undertow, it wouldn’t be surprising if you developed a fear of water. While you might not want to get on a boat or be around a pool, would you want your children to share this fear? Or would you rather your children be able to enjoy the water along with their peers?

As rational as your fears may seem to you, some fears just aren’t practical and can severely impact your life. As a parent, you want your children to live their best and fullest lives. How can you expect them to do that if they’re afraid to go to the pool, walk to the park, or go for a hike?

Is it possible that your children will drown or get bitten by a snake? While statistically remote, there is a very small possibility in a sea of harmful possibilities. Rather than focusing on the unusual dangers, you can do your best to teach your children to be alert and responsible.

No child reaches adulthood unscathed. To one degree or another, children get hurt while growing up. That’s a part of the natural process. It may be scary for parents to experience, but it’s a way for them to learn. The best you can hope for is that they learn from the smaller situations and are prepared for bigger ones as a result.

So how do you raise children to be fearless?

Try showing them that it’s okay to have fears and how to face them by example. Make yourself do things that scare you a bit. That doesn’t mean you want to plunge yourself into a pit of vipers in front of your children, but that does mean that you can take small steps outside your comfort zone. Maybe touch a snake at a petting zoo or get into the shallow end of the pool to show them that there’s nothing to be afraid of.

If you have a fear that you specifically don’t want your children sharing with you, you might think about getting someone to help teach them. For example, if you’re afraid of water, then consider getting them into swimming lessons right away. Yes, this will be scary for you, but it’ll help your children be comfortable in the water.

Remember to let your children do other things that scare you, too. You’ll have to face different fears as a parent depending on the age of your children, where you live, and their personalities and preferences. Whether they want to ride on roller coasters, participate in a sport where they might be injured, or learn to drive, taking risks is part of life and growing up.

You cannot protect your children by insulating them from the rest of the world. A better way to protect them is to teach them to take small risks at an early age, let them fail, and then help them get back up. Instead of inheriting your fear, they’re gaining resilience.